Just do it!

I'll admit; I'm one of those super-cautious people who avoid danger at all costs. I'm not a dare-devil who's constantly wondering where my next adrenaline fix is gonna come from.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not a coward - I just don't have a death wish. I don't see the logic in getting myself in situations where I could die, lose a limb or suffer a nervous breakdown.

And then my cousins TK and Tam happened... These 2 guys practically live for the thrill of near-death experiences. My mom, dad, sister and I visited Johannesburg, South Africa this past weekend. As part of our expedition, TK and Tam suggested we check out Gold Reef City, known for its amusement park.

Before I knew what was going on, we were all on the Anaconda, a gigantic roller coaster at Gold Reef City, described by my aunt as "death itself." OMG! "Death itself" seems to be such an under-statement. The mere thought of hurtling down the twisted tracks spinning, flipping, and being thrown in all directions nearly sent my blood pressure through the roof.

I mentally calculated the probability of falling off the humongous roller coaster, which stood at a terrifying 100 metres (328 feet) above the ground, and to me, was the definition of a killing machine.

My knees were practically knocking together when we got on the Anaconda. I spent what felt like the longest minute of my life screaming my lungs off, shouting "Mommy" and vowing never ever to listen to my cousins again ..... but, I survived!

Just when I thought the horror was over and done with, TK and Tam beckoned with animated expressions on their faces, "Now, let's go on the Golden Loop." I thought, "Oh no! Not again!"

And once more, I found myself on the kind of roller coaster that nightmares are made of.This ride immediately began with a steep, sharp descent at lightning speed, giving us no time to catch our breath. I could hear tens of ear-piercing, glass-shattering screams coming from other passengers behind and in front of me.

Then we raced through a giant loop and were upside down for about 3 seconds (which felt like an hour.) At that point I was pretty sure I was gonna fall off the roller coaster or have a heart attack, and mumbled all kinds of prayers confessing every blunder, mess-up and mistake I'd ever committed (sweets I stole from my mom's candy jar as a kid, all the times I was mean to my sister growing up, and of course the day I shaved off the dog's whiskers) and so forth.

45 excruciating seconds later, the Golden Loop ride was over and I stumbled out of my seat, laughing in sheer disbelief. I couldn't believe I had just survived 2 of the most petrifying rides in the Amusement Park. I felt like Wonder Woman and learned a valuable lesson right there.

Sometimes in life, you've just got to do it afraid. "It" can be anything - taking a new class, moving to a new neighborhood, making a new friend, applying for a job, trying out for a position in a sports team or auditioning for a singing part in a theater production. Whatever your "it" may be, just do it. Grab the bull by the horns and go for it. It'll be worth it, trust me.

Stop procrastinating and making excuses. If you're waiting for the day when you no longer feel nervous or afraid, you may find yourself waiting for a very, very long time. Franklin Roosevelt once said, "Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the assessment that something else is more important than fear.”

The things that are worth most in life are usually also the ones that are most intimidating and terrifying. So, take a deep breath, go out there and make your dreams come true one challenge at a time. The best in life is waiting!

Merry Christmas and a happy New Year!

Don't get married if...

Contrary to its super-fluffy, rosy and colorful portrayals in movies and soap operas, marriage takes LOTS of hard work.

Sure, you'll have romantic candle-lit dinners, walks under the stars and loads of fun and laughter, but there'll also be arguments, sickness, crying babies and annoying habits that'll nearly drive both of you insane.

There'll be morning breath, times when you see your partner with out her weave or make up on, and days when you think, "This marriage thing isn't the fairytale I thought it was gonna be." It's no wonder then that divorce rates are astronomically high in Hollywood and around the globe.

So, before you sprint to the altar, here are a few pointers:

Don't get married if:

1. You're only doing it to please your family, friends, boss or church
The decision to get married should be made by you and your Sweetheart, not by your mom, sister, grandpa,great aunt, priest or hair-dresser. Their opinions may offer some helpful insight, but the choice to walk down the aisle ultimately belongs to you. After all, you're the one who's going to live with that guy or girl and deal with his or her erratic mood-swings,annoying mannerisms and weird preferences.

2. You're not in love
If you're a believer in life-long companionship and living happily ever after, don't marry someone you're not in love with. It really doesn't matter if they're super-rich, drop dead gorgeous or incredibly intelligent. To a very large extent, marriage is about compromise. It's hard enough to tolerate the blunders and mess-ups of someone you love with all your heart. It's a hundred times harder to compromise with a partner if you'd rather be with someone else.

Being in love is the special ingredient that'll bring excitement and a sense of adventure to your marriage. It'll also give you the determination to keep going during the not-so pleasant times. With out love, you're likely to take off at the slightest hint of trouble.

3. Your 6th sense is telling you to run in the opposite direction
In the absence of solid evidence of impending danger, it's important to listen to your gut when it comes issues to do with your partner and relationship. If something just doesn't feel right, don't shrug it off. Chances are that your gut feeling is on point. Take time to learn more about yourself, your partner and your relationship before making a life-long commitment. It may save you from a horrific nightmare later on.

4. You're hoping to 'save' your partner from themselves
If your Sweetheart suffers from chronic depression, has anger issues or struggles with addictions, take things slow. If you're planning on getting married in the hopes of rescuing them from their problems, forget it! A wedding ring will not miraculously transform your partner into a saint. In other words, the altar will NOT alter your partner. Leave the rehabilitation treatments and counseling to the professionals. 'Romantic therapy' never works.

5. You've seen danger warning signs in your partner and / or relationship
So, the love of your life is in the habit of getting high on a daily basis, beating the daylights out of you or cheating on you with every Jack, Jill, Tom or Sally. Don't get married - unless of course you enjoy being stressed and victimized. Marriage doesn't have magic powers to change a devious partner at the drop of a hat. You're much better off walking off into the sunset than down the aisle.


These are a few critical factors which aspiring brides and grooms can consider before they say, "I do". Can you think of anymore? I'd love to hear from you.

What women need in a man

My recent experiences with guys, some of them utterly hilarious, others insanely annoying, have driven me to write this article - emphasis on the word 'driven.' I figure there are lots of confused, frustrated men out there who have absolutely no inkling whatsoever about what women want.

There are also scores of women who are completely worn out from trying to explain their expectations. So, I've taken it upon myself to clearly lay the facts on the table for everyone's benefit.

Basically, women need a number of things in their men, but I'll focus on three major ones which I believe can make or break a relationship.

1. Care and concern for our well being
The guy who responds to news about a bereavement in his girlfriend's family with a mere, "Oh, shame man!", before going silent for a week is applying for a break-up. So is the guy who makes his girl carry an elephant-sized box while he strolls ahead yelling, "Hurry up! Walk faster!" with only a newspaper in his hand.

Then there's the guy who clings to his jacket on a chilly evening and pretends not to see his girlfriend shivering helplessly beside him. But the guy who takes the 'Loser Trophy' is the one who invites his girl to a Party, and when she reveals that she needs to head home, replies, "Oh, cool. Cheers!", and continues dancing or socializing. He doesn't bother walking her to her car or taxi and making sure she gets home in one piece.

Men, this is not rocket science. What we, ladies need, is a guy who cares about our well being. That means checking on us when we're sick or have suffered a bereavement. It means making sure that we're safe and comfortable. We need a guy who offers to carry heavy bags for us, offers us his jacket on a cold day and finds out how we're doing at work, school or home.

If you're struggling to show a little consideration for your girl's physical and emotional well being now, how will you handle caring for her and a couple of kids in the future? Food for thought.

2. Faith in our dreams
Lots of guys have been wrongly made to believe that all we, ladies want, are material things. So they work their backsides off trying to make enough money to shower us with gifts of all shapes and sizes. Don't get me wrong - we appreciate all your hard work and presents. But, women need a lot more than shoes, jewellery and expensive hand-bags.

Guys, it's important for you to know what the lady in your life is passionate about, what her dreams and ambitions are. And when you find out, don't stop there. Get involved in helping her achieve her goals. Support her in the pursuit of her dreams and be her biggest cheerleader. That's one of the best gifts you can ever give her.

3. Respect for our family and culture
Whether Christian, Jewish, Muslim or Buddhist, every woman wants a man who respects her values and beliefs. A real man not only respects his woman's faith, but her family too.

In my culture, after proposing to his girl, a guy sends his uncles to his fiancee's family to officially ask for her hand in marriage. If his proposal is accepted by the bride's parents, the groom-to-be presents his new in-laws with various gifts as a gesture of gratitude. These gifts usually include outfits for the bride's mother and father, groceries and blankets.

The presentation of these gifts is followed by a huge banquet, which is hosted by the bride's family in honor of their new son in-law. (The 'church wedding' comes several weeks or months later)

The entire process is highly exhilarating and gives the bride and groom's families a chance to bond. It's also a way of testing the groom's love and commitment. Now, I've met a number of guys who refuse to honor this tradition. Some simply decide to boycott the proceedings. If they make do an appearance, they either come extremely late or empty-handed.

Such guys are often rude and get into embarrassing arguments with their in-laws through out the proceedings. This not only humiliates the bride in front of her family, but leaves everyone thinking, "Maybe he doesn't love her at all."

Guys, note: If you truly love your girl, you'll be prepared to meet her parents' requirements. If they invite you to dinner, please show up, look good and be on your best behavior. Don't arrive late, drunk or make inappropriate comments.

Part of loving someone is respecting their culture, family and religion. If you can't stand the heat, stay out of the kitchen.

Well, I hope this article has been an eye-opener for those men who've been asking, "What does the fairer sex really want?" I also hope it assists those ladies who are stuck in dysfunctional relationships and helps them realize that they deserve far better. The best in life is waiting!

P.S: I'd love to hear from you. Does your family have any traditions with regards to dating or marriage? What have been some of your experiences?

Are we compatible or simply wasting each other's time?

It's no secret that many of us are keen to leap into romantic relationships, what with the glamorous portrayal of love in movies, soap operas and music videos. Ladies fantasize about riding off into the sunset on a white horse with a knight in shining armor, while our male counterparts dream about hooking up with a drop-dead gorgeous lady who looks like something out of a fashion magazine.

In all our excitement, we tragically forget that there's a lot more to relationships than good looks, red roses, chocolate and money. Before you commit to a relationship, here are a few key factors to consider:

1. Common values
You may be ecstatic about finding a Rihanna or Chris Brown look-alike who sends shivers up and down your spine. However, it's important to be with someone who shares your values, principles and beliefs."Well,we have so much chemistry and that's all that matters," you may say. But, no matter how many sparks fly between you, a relationship is not likely to work if your values, beliefs and principles clash. Like it or not, these three things (values, principles and beliefs) determine a person's priorities, objectives and behavior.

A girl from a Christian background, for example, may not believe in sex before marriage. Therefore, any guy who wants to be with her must be prepared to wait until the wedding night. Similarly, an Animal Rights Activist may be against the consumption of all meat products. You may not think this is a big deal. But wait until your Vegan partner refuses to let you have roast Turkey (or any other type of meat) at Christmas.

2. Complementary personalities:
According to the Merriam Webster dictionary, 'personality' can be defined as, "the set of emotional qualities, ways of behaving, etc., that makes a person different from other people." A lot of us are of the misguided belief that we need to be with people who are exactly like us, people who have our personality. As a result, we spend all our time pursuing various replicas of ourselves.

In actual fact, what we do need are people with complementary personalities - people who excel in areas where we struggle, people who challenge us to learn, grow and become the best we can be. There are 4 basic personality types: Sanguines, Melancholics, Phlegmatics and Cholerics.

* Sanguine
Sanguines are naturally extroverted, chatty and confident. These are the types of people who enjoy being the center of attention, telling stories, performing for captive audiences and being the life of the party. Not surprisingly, they are often extremely popular with others, especially the opposite sex.

But beware, this personality type is prone to lying, flirting and laziness. Sanguines are masters at making lavish promises and getting everyone excited. They are big talkers, with little or no action whatsoever. Half the time, they make hundreds of promises to scores of people and later fail to keep up. As a result, they tend to be undependable and struggle to meet deadlines.

A Sanguine may also drive you up the wall if you're the jealous type, as they constantly mingle with people and want to be liked by everyone. It's not surprising to find a Sanguine exchanging phone numbers with total strangers or accepting party invitations from someone they met only yesterday.

Ideal partner for the Sanguine: Someone cool, calm and level-headed. An action-oriented individual who is good at getting things done. This person must not be threatened or offended by the Sanguine's extroverted tendencies, but must help bring order into the Sanguine's chaotic way of life.

* Melancholic
Melancholics are quiet introverts who are usually artistic, soulful and serious-minded. These are the sort of people who spend their time writing poetry, painting portraits and composing songs in their bed rooms. They are very romantic and sentimental, but can easily get depressed and withdraw from the rest of the world. They are also prone to paranoia and various insecurities.

Something as minor as failing to answer your phone when they call can easily drive them to the depths of despair, even to the point of committing suicide. This group of people is highly sensitive and must be handled with care. So, before you get dazzled by the charm of a Melancholic, make sure you're prepared for days when your Beloved will be depressed, angry and anti-social.

Ideal partner for the Melancholic: someone patient, warm and cheerful, who can bring color and stability to the Melancholic's life. This individual must also be sensitive to the Melancholic's emotional needs for security and affection.

* Phlegmatic
People of this type are normally reserved, logical thinkers who love order. They are peaceful individuals who detest confrontations and are brilliant organizers. Phlegmatics naturally make great Accountants and Administrators. They are emotionally stable and rarely ever lose their tempers or get over-excited. They have a knack for hiding their emotions and never letting people know what they're thinking or feeling. Phlegmatics are very disciplined people who live by principle.

I can already see some of you grinning like the Cheshire Cat at the prospect of dating a Phlegmatic, but be warned: Phlegmatics tend to be workaholics who are obsessed with perfection. They are ambitious and seldom have time to spare for relaxation and fun. They may therefore seem boring to someone who enjoys going out and having a good time. A Phlegmatic's idea of a romantic date may be spending the day together at the office, working on reports and compiling budgets while sharing a packed dinner.

Ideal partner for the Phlegmatic: An out-going and vibrant individual who can motivate the Phlegmatic to enjoy life. This person must not view the Phlegmatic's love for order as a curse, but must encourage a healthy balance of work and play in the Phlegmatic's life.

* Choleric
Cholerics are domineering, driven and focused. They are natural leaders who love supervising others and giving orders. They are ideal for difficult situations where a forceful person is required to take charge and get the job done. Cholerics are often proud and dislike anyone who dares oppose their ideas or their way of doing things. However, they are also very protective of their loved ones and will stop at nothing to punish anyone who hurts those they care about.

I'm pretty sure a lot of ladies would love to find themselves with such a Macho-man. But, Cholerics are also known to be controlling, short-tempered and insensitive. While they may fight all your enemies for you, they want things done their way or not at all. They rarely ever consult anyone or ask for other people's opinions when they make decisions, and are therefore not good team-players. A Choleric will buy a new house without discussing it with his partner and see no problem with that.

Ideal partner for the Choleric: A patient, friendly individual who can encourage the Choleric to be more considerate of other people's feelings and opinions. This person must have a thick skin and be able to deal with the Choleric's temper tantrums and forceful nature.

Word of advice: Refrain from the temptation of trying to turn your partner into a mirror-image of yourself. You should help them become the best version of themselves they can be, not an extension of yourself.

I'm not saying this to scare anyone, but to remind us all to take a closer look at the people we hope to date. Can you live with his or her flaws and weaknesses? Do your personalities clash or complement one another? Can you work as a team and meet your goals?

3. Enjoying each other's company
No matter how many things you may have in common with someone, there's really no point in pursuing a relationship if you don't enjoy each other's company. If you find yourself yawning and constantly glancing at your watch during dates, there's a good chance the relationship won't work out.

Don't let people cajole you into dating someone you just don't click with. It's YOUR life and YOUR relationship, not theirs. If there's no chemistry, don't force it and don't fake it. The world is full of miserable couples who are stuck with people they never loved. Don't become a statistic. Relationships should be a blessing to be enjoyed, not a nightmare to be endured.

In closing, remember: "Love is Life. If you miss love, you miss life." Leo Buscalia

5 things every woman should have

Millions of women around the world struggle with a poor self-image and a devastatingly low self-esteem. Lots of us secretly wish we had longer legs, a slimmer waistline, a fairer skin-tone, a smaller nose or Nicky Minaj's behind.

While some women literally work their backsides off to attain the size zero Supermodel silhouette, others try every trick in the book to increase the size of their assets and be "bootylicious." For some reason, we are just never satisfied with the way we look.

Well, this post is not about getting a bigger booty, longer legs or a button nose. It's about branding yourself and accentuating your most outstanding features. It's about feeling awesome in your own skin and looking phenomenal everyday, come rain or shine.

Here are a few simple things that can dramatically boost every woman's self esteem and bring that extra spark and pizazz that we all so desperately long for.

1. A signature oufit
You don't need to overstretch your budget in an attempt to buy the most extravagant and expensive clothes. You don't even need to seek out the services of a professional stylist or fashion designer. What you do need is a signature outfit.

For those that may be confused, a signature outfit is that one sophisticated, sassy and stylish outfit that makes you look and feel like a million dollars. It doesn't have to cost an arm and a leg, but it must show off your best features and disguise the aspects you're not so proud of.

Avoid clothes that are too baggy - they are extremely unflattering and will make you look boxy and a lot larger than you really are. Also, stay away from clothes that look like they've been painted on - you don't want people thinking you're trashy. The main objective is to look stunning, elegant and dignified.

Play around with a variety of colors and textures to add some spunk to your outfit. The right jewellery, scarfs and belts will also give you a little more "oomph", provided you match them correctly. Unless you're Sir Elton John, the Christmas tree look is a big "No no."

2. A pair of killer heels
The right pair of shoes will not only add a little extra-flair to a lovely outfit, but it will also make you feel hotter than a day in the desert. Nothing says "Everybody stand back, I'm here and ready for action" like the right pair of shoes.

As a stiletto fanatic, I would normally advocate for stiletto heels, but, when it comes to shoes, I've learned that comfort is key. There's really no point in buying an extravagant pair of designer heels you can't walk in. Nobody likes to see a grown woman staggering along, with a hideous scowl on her face simply because her shoes are 'killing' her.

You are much better off in a lower heeled pair that you can confidently strutt your stuff in. Remember: A huge part of looking hot is being comfortable.

3. Great hospitality
I'm pretty sure many of you thought, "Uh oh!" when you saw that sub-heading. Well, you'll be glad to know you don't need to be Jamie Oliver to be an amazing hostess. Great hospitality is all about making your guests feel welcome and at home when they visit.

It's about being pleasant, sociable and courteous. Like I mentioned earlier, you don't have to be a Master Chef, though being a good cook can come in handy if you're looking to impress(In-laws especially).

If cooking really isn't your forte, don't despair. You can hire a Chef or even, order take-outs. The most important thing is to ensure that everyone has the time of their lives.

4. A trusted confidant

Every woman needs someone reliable and honest they can confide in - someone who won't air all their dirty laundry in public later on. Unless you want to be the joke of the town, refrain from telling all your secrets to anyone who cares to listen.

Your confidant will help you think through various life issues before making a decision or making an absolute fool of yourself. They'll listen to your ranting and raving without judging you and motivate you to be the best you can be.

If you do find someone like this - someone you can trust and depend on through thick and thin, cherish them.

5. Lots of self-love

I can't emphasize enough the importance of women being able to truly love themselves. Self love means acknowledging that you're human and will make mistakes from time to time. It means accepting your flaws and celebrating your strengths.

Self-love is about loving who you are, not just what you have. Embrace your uniqueness and take pride in being "you." Don't go through life trying to be a replica of someone else. You are amazing, outstanding, extraordinary and phenomenal.

When you are able to love yourself, looking good will follow, naturally.

In closing, remember that your best days are ahead of you, not behind you. Keep on dreaming, growing and glowing!

Before you take that ex back!

This is my confession: Not so long ago I found myself nostalgically pining over an ex I vowed never to reconcile with, even if he was the last man on the planet. Now, before you question my sanity, I'd like to state these facts in my defence.

I dated this particular guy for a little over 4 years, and through-out that entire period, he never cheated...not even once. He was the epitome of loyalty and could have been the ambassador of a faithfulness campaign if one was conducted. I always knew where he was, who he was with and what he was doing - in fact, he insisted on taking me everywhere all the time.

So, why did we break up if he was so perfect? Well, he was controlling, obsessive and domineering, with an explosive temper to top it all. There were times when I actually felt scared and dreaded getting him angry. In spite of all this, I found myself missing him a few months ago and decided to confide in my trusted BFF.

Her response was short and simple: "Focus on the reality, not some fantasy in your head."

You see, from a tender age I've always believed that cheating is the worst relationship "sin". I can deal with just about anything else - psychological games, drug addictions, stealing...just not cheating.

And because my ex was so faithful, I overlooked all his faults for years - the violent temper tantrums, the times he yelled at me 'til I was reduced to tears, the irrational demands he made on a daily basis. I couldn't care less if he robbed a bank at gun-point, just as long as he didn't cheat on me.

Now, 2 years later, after being cheated on by a new guy, I couldn't help but think, "How I miss my oh-so-faithful ex... Maybe I should give him another chance. At least I know I can handle his shenanigans."

I imagined us living happily ever after, watching dazzling red sunsets together, taking evening strolls under the stars, joking, laughing and sharing stories over candle-lit dinners... But the reality is: he drinks now more than ever and would probably make my life a living hell if we reconciled.

I'm sure many people (especially women) out there can relate to this. You spend so much time admiring ONE excellent quality in your partner that you ignore many obvious warning signs that point to destructive behavior.

We say stuff like, "I don't mind that he beats me to a pulp - he's a great father to our kids." or "I can't leave him just because he's an abusive drug addict - he can be so sweet sometimes." And of course, our most popular saying of all, "I know he's gonna change. He just needs a little time." Yeah, right!

Like my BFF said, it's important to focus on the facts and not be blinded by wishful thinking. Don't let loneliness or self-pity drive you back into the arms of a dangerous, selfish and destructive partner.

If you're tired of having dinner alone with only your TV and cats for company, hook up with some friends and have some fun - go out to a fancy restaurant, order some pizza and watch movies at home together, organize a barbeque, start or join a book club ... Just don't go back to that nasty ex!

Secondly, focus on what you deserve: someone loving, honest and dependable who'll never raise their hand or voice to hurt you...someone who'll be a great parent to your kids and also be a wonderful partner to you. You deserve nothing but the very best!

Third, realize that we all have moments when we feel weak, vulnerable and exposed. Before you rush back to your ex at top speed, find someone objective to talk to and get some fresh perspective. It might just save you from making one of the biggest mistakes of your life.

In closing, always remember: Your best days are not behind you. They're ahead of you! The best in life is waiting!

What's your relationship personality?

I'm sure at some point in our lives, many of us have found ourselves in a hellish relationship disaster and moaned, "Why me???" While it's easy to point an accusing finger at everyone else, a good look at ourselves is more likely to give us the answers we need.

When it comes to relationship failure, the sad reality is: we may unknowingly possess certain traits which attract the wrong people or make us vulnerable to manipulation and abuse. Until we are able to identify those traits, chances are we'll keep making the same relationship mistakes and getting the same horrendous results.

In this article we'll explore some of these traits or personalities so that we can make better choices in the future. Which one best describes you?

The Sprinter

Is impulsive and famous for whirl-wind romances. This kind of person loves the drama and adrenaline rush that often accompanies a new relationship. He or she will buy extravagant gifts, organize on-the-spur-of-the-moment trips to Paris or Hawaii and shower the object of his / her affection with endless compliments and attention. Sprinters are extremely charming and know exactly what to say and do to sweep a partner off their feet.

However, the sprinter's excitement and passion is short-lived. They hate routine and quickly get bored once the relationship loses its initial "shivers down the spine" feeling. Sprinters also dread commitment and may bail from a relationship once it gets a little too serious, leaving a trail of broken hearts and shattered dreams.

The Marathoner

Is not as dramatic or impulsive as the sprinter. Actually, the marathoner is laid back and prefers to spend his or her time planning for the future. He or she will have detailed plans about where they want to buy a house, raise a family and send their kids to school. They are very practical and are reluctant to spend money on extravagant indulgences.

Marathoners are loving, soulful individuals who blossom in committed, long-term relationships. They may not fly you to Italy for your birthday, but they'll definitely be there for you when you need them most. If you're looking for someone to grow old with... someone to love you in sickness and in health... someone to watch sunsets with when you're wrinkled and grey, this is the right person for you. Sadly, Marathoners are often accused of being boring and may be dumped for someone more dramatic by those who enjoy living on the edge.

The Clinging vine

Like the name suggests, clinging vines tend to cling to their partner for dear life. They have smothering tendencies and prefer to have their Sweetheart to themselves ALL the time. They are controlling and may become moody, jealous and irrational if their partner engages in activities (social, religious or professional) which exclude them.

Clingers believe that their partner's life must revolve around them and vice-versa. They're anti-social and will try everything humanly possible to isolate their partner from the rest of the world - including ordering their partner to quit work, school or church. Clinging vines often suffer from deep insecurity and depression and may become suicidal if the relationship comes to an end.

The Marshmallow

The marshmallow is an overly tolerant, "I'll do whatever you want" type of partner. Their answer for everything is a big, resounding 'Yes', even when they disagree with what's being said. Marshmallows are willing to jump through hoops of fire, do somersaults and make outrageous sacrifices in order to please their partner.

They rarely ever stand up for themselves in case it drives their partner away. They're always willing to lay their own dreams, beliefs and interests aside for those of their Sweetheart. In other words, Marshmallows are door-mats who are not confident enough to stand their ground and speak out. They're easily manipulated and may choose to live unhappily ever after with an abusive partner than to walk away from a miserable relationship.

The Drama-king (or queen)

Thrives on hullabaloo and commotion. This type of partner doesn't feel alive unless there's trouble brewing somewhere. They'll often start fights and squabbles purely for their own entertainment and amusement. The drama king or queen's motto is "I am God's gift to women (or men)"

They secretly long for attention and feel that the only way to get it is by throwing fits and tantrums like a hungry 4 year old in a candy store. Drama kings and queens feel the greatest amount of satisfaction when they can get everyone (especially their partner) to fall to their knees and beg for mercy.

I've identified my Relationship Personality... what's next??

Once you've identified your weakness, the next step is to immediately start working on it. The key word in every relationship is "Balance." Too much of anything can become annoying and unbearable over time. A little drama and spontaneity is great every now and then, but it must be balanced with accountability, maturity and reason.

Bending over backwards to paint a smile on your partner's face can be really cute, but you should also be able to stand up for yourself and express your views in the relationship. Likewise, wanting your Beloved at your side 24-7 may be romantic, but it's important to realize that part of being in a loving relationship is trusting your partner and giving them room to follow their dreams and flourish without you keeping them on a tight leash.

Make an effort to maintain a healthy balance of spontaneity and order, excitement and peace, work and relaxation in your relationship.

Having said all that, here's to glorious, love-filled relationships! Cheers!

Become a Pro at Managing Your Social Life!

If there's one thing that's gotten me into a huge mess time and time again, it's been the failure to discern which people to trust, and to what extent. Truth is I'm a bad judge of character. No, let me rephrase that - I'm a horrible judge of character.

Unlike most people, I don't struggle to trust others - I simply trust EVERYONE - young, old, male or female, self-confessed thieves, fraudsters and all. That's the problem. In the midst of my frustration, I recently stumbled upon a Biblical example that we can all use as a blue print for effectively managing our relationships. I'll call it the Law of Social Circles, or as one of my friends put it, 'Friend Management'.

Jesus of Nazareth, the world renowned healer, teacher, miracle-worker and Legend, divided all his relationships into 4 categories. First, he had the crowd - this included the masses that followed him everywhere, thronged all his meetings, witnessed the miraculous feeding of the 5000 with five loaves and two fishes and many other wondrous signs. This colourful group was made up of men and women, boys and girls of all ages, sizes and backgrounds.

One important fact about the crowd is that though they were large in number, their commitment to Jesus was conditional and very limited. In fact, they were only fascinated by the hype and drama that seemed to follow Jesus wherever he went.

They were not interested in what he ate, where he slept or what he wore. They had a consumer-mentality. "Jesus, just blow us away with another science-defying miracle, turn water into wine, raise the dead and all that... When you're done, we'll go away and find someone else to follow."

You may be wondering what in the world Jesus' social life has to do with yours. Well, we also have crowds in our lives - this is the general public. While having the crowd on your side may provide a huge boost for your ego, realize that its attraction to you is often superficial and performance-based.

The masses adore you madly when you excel in business, win awards or rake in big bucks. But, the moment you are faced with a complex problem, they vanish into thin air and leave you out to dry.

At the height of his Ministry, the masses crowned Jesus "Man of the Year", "Healer of the Decade" and "Greatest Teacher of the Century". They gave him the "Most Astounding Miracle of the Millenium" Award, the "Turning Water Into Wine" trophy, and of course, the "Walking on Water" prize among others. But later on, the very same group of people turned around and demanded his death by crucifixion. In a nut-shell, never bank on the public's loyalty and support too much.

The second group Jesus had in his life was the seventy-two. "After this the Lord appointed seventy-two others and sent them two by two ahead of him to every town and place where he was about to go." Luke 10 v 1

Unlike the general public, the 72 consisted of hand-picked men and women that Jesus trusted to help him fulfil his mandate by going ahead of him, preaching the Gospel and getting the community ready for his arrival. Likewise, from time to time God strategically sends people into our lives to assist, advise, challenge and encourage us in our pursuit of our dreams.

Their role is simple - to help us advance and meet our goals, nothing more, nothing less. They may help us through a bereavement or make us smile on a really bad day. They may give us a much-needed recommendation for a job we have applied for, or help us organize an important event.

However fond of them we become, we must always keep in mind that people in this group are not here to stay - they are simply passing through our lives, preparing us for greater things that lie ahead. When their job is done, we must be willing to bid them 'Farewell' with no hard feelings.

We can hang out with them every now and then - go to the movies, have lunch together and call each other on occasion...But, we need to maintain our boundaries - live our lives and let them live theirs. Not every acquaintance needs to become your 'Bestie'.

Be friendly, but don't be too easily accessible to everyone, all the time. You don't need to attend every function you're invited to or date every guy / girl that crawls your way. It's your right to say 'No' to some Dinner and Party invitations. Guard your personal space. Don't give every Jack, Jill, Tom and Harry free rein to barge in and out of your life as they please. YOU are important. Don't cheapen yourself!

Cut the martyr act - you can't be everyone's hero every single time! Practice saying "No." There's nothing wrong with taking a rain-check on certain appointments so that you can focus on priceless moments in your life, for example attending your son's football match, watching a friend walk down the aisle or enjoying a picnic with the family.

And if you're thinking," I can't help being busy - I'm famous!", think again! There's a big difference between being 'famous' and being a 'social puppet'. Famous people are admired for their achievements. Social puppets, on the other hand, spend all their time doing absolutely nothing, with everyone, everywhere, usually at the expense of their own dreams and goals.

Set healthy standards for yourself and stick to them. Your personal space shouldn't be a playground for other people! No one will take you seriously if you don't take yourself seriously first! Enough said... moving on!

The next group of people in Jesus' life was the twelve."Jesus called his twelve disciples to him and gave them authority to drive out impure spirits and to heal every disease and sickness." Matthew 10 v 1

These were the famous Disciples, who later became Apostles. They were Jesus' friends and brothers, his 'Home-boys', the men who related with him on a personal level and were heavily involved in his ministry.

They were with him in the boat when he stilled the wind and waves with just a word. They witnessed the resurrection of Lazarus from the dead. They travelled with him from town to town, village to village, city to city.

In the context of our own lives, the twelve represent our friends and family. They love us deeply and are there for us most of the time. While it's evident that Jesus trusted the 12 a lot more than he did the 72,(and therefore gave them more responsibilities), he didn't open up to them completely. Remember, the traitor Judas Iscariot was in that group too.

Similarly, we may adore all our friends and family, but that doesn't mean we should share our heart's deepest secrets with every single one of them. Recklessly divulging the intimate details of your hopes and dreams to the wrong friend or relative can have tragic consequences.

In Genesis 37, Joseph, the son of Jacob was sold into slavery by his jealous brothers after sharing his dreams about becoming a powerful ruler one day. And Jesus was betrayed by one of his disciples.

I'm not saying you should become a snob or start treating others like murder suspects. But, be careful when dealing with sensitive matters. The privilege of knowing all your plans and dreams should be strictly reserved for the select few who have shown themselves to be mature, trustworthy and and honest. This brings us to the three.

"After six days Jesus took with him Peter, James and John the brother of James, and led them up a high mountain by themselves. There he was transfigured before them." Matthew 17 v 1 - 2

These three guys represent your 'BFFs', your right-hand men or women, your confidants, those special individuals who know you like the back of their hands. And they don't have to be three in number - they can be two, or five, or one ... but the principle is: the number needs to be small!

These are the guys or girls who can storm into your house and head straight to your fridge when they visit. They know where you keep your TV remote and don't need to be told to 'make themselves at home' because they are like a part of the family.

Realize that these privileges are reserved for your VVIPs - not everyone that shows up on your doorstep. Love yourself, cherish your BFFs, and make the boundaries crystal clear to everybody else!

By effectively managing your relationships, you'll have more peace, more time for important things, not to mention a less complicated life, and be respected for it. Remember, greatness awaits you!

If you've enjoyed reading this article, please share it with others! After all, sharing is caring!

Let's Celebrate Our...Differences!

For years my sister and I fought about EVERYTHING, all the time. While she is an order-obsessed neat freak who loves simplicity, I am a free-spirited extrovert who adores all things extravagant. I am spontaneous, creative and adventurous. She is a super-organized planner who only feels alive when she is calculating something.

I can’t even begin to count the number of times we've almost throttled each other because of our personal differences. I am a feeler, she is a thinker. There are times she’s called me a cry-baby while I’ve accused her of being an insensitive robot.

 I love all things shiny and sparkly. She prefers things that don’t attract any unnecessary attention. Actually, let me rephrase that – she prefers things that don’t attract ANY attention AT ALL! Her motto is “Less is more.” Mine is “Go big or go home.” While I love socializing and come alive on stage, my sister has panic attacks at the mere thought of addressing a crowd.

Because we could never understand each other's personalities, I ultimately concluded that she was an uptight puritan who had no sense of fun whatsoever, while she believed that I was an out-of-control nut-case who loves attention.

About 2 years ago I bought a pair of diamond-studded stiletto heels. The naked truth is that I fell head over heels in love with all the bling on them. Tragically, I discovered I couldn’t walk well in them because they were a little too high for me (I'll admit I’m a bit of a klutz). So I gave them to my sister.

My heart practically dropped to the floor days later when I discovered that she had removed all the diamond embellishments from the heels. It took all my self-control not to grab her by the neck and scream, “What on earth have you done???” Seeing the bamboozled expression on my face, she calmly announced, “I like them better this way.” And that was that.

Then of course there were all the camps we attended together. While my sister spent hours meticulously packing all her stuff in order of colour, shape and size, I hung out with my friends, went shopping, danced to music – I basically did anything and everything except for packing. At the last minute, I randomly stuffed all my things into my bag and we left for camp.

On arrival, I found that I had forgotten my toothbrush, towel, bath- soap, pyjamas… and freaked out. After letting me stew for a while, my sister revealed that she had remembered to pack all those things for me. And so, her meticulous planning saved me from what could have been a disastrous camping experience.

Over the years we have learned to celebrate our differences and use our strengths to form an amazing team. We are both heavily involved in the Youth Ministry at our Church. While I’m responsible for the creative, public-relations side of things, she’s in charge of all the logistics, finances and Admin. And we both couldn’t be happier.

So, in light of all this, I have a question for everyone out there: isn't it time we all buried our hatchets and worked together for the good of our world? So what if he prefers pizza to burgers, basketball to football or movies to reality shows? What's so terrible about her liking tulips instead of roses, lip-stick instead of lip-gloss or R n' B instead of Hip Hop?

There's a reason we are all so different - it's called "variety." And like the popular saying goes, "Variety is the spice of life." At the end of the day, we're all human beings who long to be loved, accepted and celebrated. It's time to forget the past and embrace a better, brighter future - a future where we live in harmony...a future where we use our skills to help others, not sabotage them...a future where love is a lifestyle, not a four-letter word we use to manipulate others...

It's time to live, laugh and learn TOGETHER! The best in life is waiting!

I am not my hair!

When I logged on to Facebook this morning, I was greeted by a post entitled 'Kill Weave' that went something like this,"Seriously ladies, generally people don’t say it out loud...but this weave thing is a little bit weird....it’s like a hat that doesn’t come off.

I feel like you are hiding your beautiful faces under weave....what are you so afraid of? It’s like you are hiding from your own magnificent beauty. I say magnificent because.... African women are HOT!Jah didn’t give us hair that falls in our face because Jah wanted the world to see our beauty. That’s why Jah gave us prominent features, so that they could be admired."

Let me reveal that the controversial post was written by a Rastafarian woman, whose religion is against all things considered artificial. As a lover of all things pretty, elegant and glamorous, I, on the other hand, couldn't disagree more.(That's me in the picture up there)

The writer began by stating,"To check the race of citizens, white employers would stick a pencil in your hair. The kind of hair you had determined your place in society. If the pencil fell off, you were safe and got treated better than the other slaves....if the pencil got stuck (as it normally would in black hair) you were doomed...You were something dirty, uncivilised and savage.

As a result African people hated this hair of theirs that denied them access to jobs, wealth and opportunities. Our hair became a liability. African people began to detest their own hair and what they look like because of where it ended them up on the social ladder.....at the bottom."

I, as an African woman however, am proud to announce that; Yes, I wear weaves and straighten my hair. But not because of some backward so-called slave-mentality. The naked truth is that I simply detest having to spend hours washing ,drying and styling my hair every morning. As a busy lady who is always on the go, I have found weaves to be not only convenient, but economical and time-saving.

The fact that they give my hair a chance to grow and recuperate from harsh chemical and heat treatments is a huge bonus. This has absolutely nothing to do with being ashamed of my race or trying to be "white."

Secondly, white women have been known to wear weaves and hair extensions too - clearly this is not a "black-person-trying-to-be-white" thing. It's simply a "women-exercising-their-God-given-right-to-try-out-different-looks" thing.

If hair extensions and relaxers fill your mind with graphic images of slavery, wars and genocide, maybe you're not as liberated as you think you are. Freedom means black women being able to go blonde without being subjected to stigma and discrimination. (Our sister Beyonce is a sterling example). It also means white women having the liberty to twist their hair into dreadlocks without prejudice.

If we're going to sing the "Let's go back to our roots" tune, then why not wear animal skins like our ancestors? And while we're at it, perhaps we should give up driving cars, using cell-phones and wearing perfume. If donning a head of straight, blonde or wavy hair makes you feel confused about your identity, my darling, you need help - fast!

Thirdly, a woman's hair is an outward expression of her personality, her mood and even,her social standing. While Afrocentric women will proudly rock natural Afros and dreadlocks as a celebration of their ethnicity, conservative women may prefer simple, straight styles which portray elegance and quiet sophistication.

Curly hair often signifies a sense of fun, adventure and playfulness (like me!), while women who are seeking to make a bold statement may dye their hair some eye-catching color (Rihanna's red crop is a case in point), or simply shave their tresses off.

We may not be able to control the economy, politics or the weather, but we certainly have a right as women to decide how we want to wear our hair. Long, short,straight, curly, blonde, black, brown, red or purple...this is simply our way of celebrating our individuality and uniqueness.

Like the popular saying goes, "One man's food is another man's poison." Clearly, one hairstyle does not fit all. At the end of the day, your hair style is not about being black, or white, or red, or brown, or yellow ... it's about BEING YOU! Lisa, Rochelle, Shondra, Naomi, Tembi, Jennifer, Erin, Kiki or Nyasha...

So ladies, go ahead and rock the hairstyle that makes you feel "you-est"! Celebrate YOU! Beautiful, extraordinary YOU!

Transformed - From Obese to Fabulous!

Believe it or not, this is a picture of me in my teens. As a child I was very energetic and quite on the skinny side, but around the age of 16, started ballooning up uncontrollably. That marked the beginning of a nightmare that would persist for 5 dreadful years.

By the time I turned 21, I was horrendously obese. I can still vividly remember the awkward glares and shocked gasps I got from total strangers, the insults hurled at me as I walked down the street trying my best to be invisible, wishing that the pavement could just open up and swallow me whole. I was mocked, called names and told that I was fat and disgusting.

I remember the endless lectures I got from skinny people who had absolutely no idea on what I was going through about how “easy it is to lose weight and get into shape.” Yeah right!

I recall feeling inferior to my peers and not being able to wear the cute, trendy outfits which were the in-thing at the time because I could just never get a size big enough for me to fit into. I remember withdrawing from the rest of the world and spending most of my time at home alone, missing a lot of birthday parties, picnics and social gatherings for fear of being mocked and ridiculed out there.

I remember the tears I cried into my pillow at night, praying and wishing that I could just lose a few pounds and enjoy life like other girls my age. I tried EVERYTHING - medical treatments, tests, special diets, with no success whatsoever.

So how did I lose all the weight?

1. Think positively

Researchers have established a close connection between positive thinking and good health. Contrary to popular belief, being gorgeous and confident starts from the inside out. When you embrace your uniqueness, make peace with your flaws and begin to celebrate everything that makes you "you", it will eventually translate into outward beauty.

It's sad how most of us girls can write mile long lists of all the wonderful things we envy and admire in others, but struggle to come up with just 5 things we love about ourselves.

If you're battling with feelings of inferiority and worthlessness, sit down and make a list of every little thing that's sweet, cute and adorable about you. If you can't think of anything, ask others to tell you what they like about you and write those attributes down. You'll be amazed at what you'll find. When you've completed your list, stick it up somewhere you can see it every day. It will motivate you to work towards your goals and not give up.

2. Deal with unresolved hurt and anger

I'm sure we've all heard the popular adage "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned." It's no secret that many of us ladies pride ourselves in being able to throw an earth-shaking fit and hold life-long grudges if we're offended. However, harbouring anger, hurt and resentment actually poisons your life and damages your body with time.

Health problems such as Hypertension,Asthma, Obesity, Diabetes as well as accelerated aging have been associated with poor stress and anger management patterns. (http://www.webmd.com/balance/stress-management/features/10-fixable-stress-related-health-problems)

I did lots of soul-searching and found that deep down I had felt unworthy, neglected and angry for years. Ultimately, I had taken it out on my body by eating recklessly and never working out, which of course led to the weight gain.

So, I let go of grudges I'd nursed for years, forgave Exes who had broken my heart and stopped punishing myself for old mistakes. Instead of emotional-eating, I dealt with my feelings head-on. For the first time in years, I began to love myself, and that completely turned my life around. When you are happy and at peace, you'll have a healthy glow about you and your body will follow suit.

3. Change your attitude about eating well and working out.

Most of us associate healthy eating and physical exercise with torture. But if you're going to succeed at losing weight and getting healthy, this attitude needs to change, BIG TIME. Find a form of exercise that you can enjoy and look forward to, for example walking or dancing. Get a friend to join you and turn it into a fun activity. If you're walking or jogging, take some music with you and enjoy some sensational beats as you move.

Build momentum and increase the intensity of your work-out sessions as your endurance levels increase. Instead of rewarding yourself with food, find alternative ways of celebrating your successes, for example buying a new outfit, jewellery or some new perfume. Your soon-to-be-gorgeous body will thank you for it!

4. Be consistent

Achieving success in anything takes lots of hard work, sacrifice and determination. For most people, looking great is not as easy as snapping their fingers and voila, they're hotter than a summer day in the desert. The naked truth is that getting in shape is hard. You may not see any obvious results for a while but keep pressing on!

It's important to exercise self-discipline on a daily basis. Don't work out and eat healthy for a few days / weeks, only to revert to your bad habits later on.

Continue making healthy choices even after you begin to see results. Maintaining the body of your dreams will require you to eat well, think positively and exercise consistently. It's about lifestyle. The good news is: after a few weeks of making healthy choices,it becomes second nature. Greasy food seems disgusting and working out becomes a normal part of your life.

I'm here today to testify that you can break out of obesity and body-image issues, even if you've been battling with them for years. Don't let anyone tell you that you're a failure, that you'll never make it. With persistence, courage and focus, you can rise above every challenge that life throws at you.

This is what I look like now, and I've never felt better! I attended a glamorous event a couple of weeks back and was mistaken for a model by one of the Organizers - can you imagine that?!

A fresh start is possible! It's time to step up and claim your freedom. This is your moment! Your best life is waiting!

Please feel free to share your thoughts, comments or ask questions. And remember, sharing is caring!

Unstoppable You - a force to reckon with!

For most of my life, I dreamed about becoming a successful Artist in my own right- having my literary works published in some of the world's most prestigious publications, scooping Awards for my musical prowess, hosting motivational talks in schools across the country...

But whenever the opportunity for me to act on my ambitions presented itself, I always seemed to conjure up the perfect excuse, " I'm too young.... I'm female - I don't stand a chance in a world that's practically run by men... I'm an African... The economy's bad right now, maybe next year..." and on and on.

After several tiresome years of applauding other people's successes, I learned the following lessons:

1. Make full use of all the opportunities and resources that are available to you.
You have a dream of making it big in Sports, Music or Business? Try out for your School's Football or Athletics team. Join the Church choir. Take part in community initiatives and use the experience to expand your skill-set.

Remember,this is YOUR dream. It's up to YOU to make things happen. Like my favorite quote goes,"If you don't build your dream, someone else will hire you to build theirs."

2. Do at least one thing each day to get yourself closer to your dream.

Record a Demo CD. Hold a cake sale to raise funds for that big project. Send a few of your best literary works to a number of magazines and newspapers. Work on perfecting your craft, be it baking, hair-dressing, fashion design or dance.

Always keep in mind that there are three groups of people in life - Those who make things happen, those who watch things happen, and those who ask, "What happened?" Which one are you?

3. Get rid of limiting attitudes and mentalities.
*Forget fear. It's better to do it afraid than not to do it at all. Most of today's legends were petrified at some point but pursued their dreams anyway. No guts,no glory!

*Dispose of the belief that things must always be done in the same way. Think outside the box. Be adventurous and open your mind to new possibilities.

My parents are Pastors at a local Church, and have recently been struggling with a drop in Church attendance by members, despite the red-hot Sermons,personal visits to members' homes and so forth.

Finally, one of the leaders came up with a radical idea. "Instead of simply preaching to the people, let's go out there and reach out to them in a way they can relate to. Let's organize Barbeques for the men, Pampering sessions for the ladies and Sporting events for the youth."

The suggestion was initially met with a variety of negative reactions, ranging from sheer disgust to downright disapproval by some of the more conservative members of our Church committee. "Are you out of your mind? Where's the money for all that going to come from? Besides, Barbeques and Pampering Sessions don't sound very spiritual - are you trying to turn the Church into some sort of Leisure Center?", they bickered.

Anyway, we had our very first Ladies Pampering Session today, where a group of cheery volunteers gave free massages, manicures and warm hugs to ladies of all ages, shapes and sizes.

I caught a glimpse of skeptical Mrs Jones wearing a Cheshire Cat smile as she was treated to a luxurious shoulder massage and had her nails painted with hot pink varnish. She quickly wiped the animated grin off her face the moment she saw me looking.

Well, everyone had an awesome time and the event was a huge success. To top it all off,we managed to achieve our best attendance in years!

Now that the Ladies' Get- Together is done and dusted, I am pouring my energies into a number of personal projects, working towards my dreams, one day at a time.

Tomorrow at Church I'll be singing one of my compositions for the very first time. The nerves are killing me but there's no room for anymore excuses. The best in life is waiting!

Til next time; Live, Laugh, Love, Learn!

Sometimes The Heart Lies

Initially this (Sometimes the heart lies) was the title of a Chart-Topping, Award-winning hit I composed a few weeks back - a hit that would see me step out of a glitzy black Limo at the Grammys and scoop countless Awards for my musical savvy... Followed by interviews on all the top TV and Radio talk shows...

I can see you rolling your eyes. Unfortunately,after 4 verses, a chorus and loads of coffee, I still haven't found an attention-grabbing melody for the song, so I guess my dreams of fame will have to wait...However, the one good thing that did come out of the whole song-writing exercise was that it inspired this post.

"Sometimes the heart lies" is a concept I came up with as I reflected on some of the most catastrophic mistakes of my life, mistakes I made simply because I foolishly applied someone's well-meaning advice to "follow my heart."

While "feeling our way through life" can make us more loving, more sensitive and ultimately more humane, it can also be quite disastrous if pushed to the extremes.

What if we "feel" like committing murder?
What if we "feel" like robbing a bank?
What if we "feel" like snatching someone else's spouse?

Well,Jeremiah declares "The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?" in the Biblical book of Jeremiah 17 v 9(KJV)

Simply put: sometimes the heart will insist that something wrong is right, and that something destructive will be beneficial to you.

Don't get me wrong, the heart is a wonderful thing,expertly designed to help us love, be spontaneous and experience passion. Without it, we would simply go through life without any real feeling or fulfillment.

However, if the heart is left to its own devices,that is when we see people committing violent crimes of passion, holding innocent individuals hostage, breaking up other people's families and abusing children.Those are the effects of a heart that is out of control.

Then we have the mind, which processes information, analyses facts, solves problems and comes up with fresh ideas - a Super computer, if I may say so myself. But, alone,the mind is like a machine - efficient but cold, unfeeling and directionless.

So how do we strike a balance?

1. When making a decision,feelings alone should never be the determining factor. Instead, personal values and principles should be the standard. I remember a time when I was absolutely convinced that a certain guy was "the one" for me. He later turned out to be a serial womanizer who was actually married to some unlucky lady.

2. Consult others - preferably people who are objective and whose opinion you trust. Getting someone else's perspective can open your eyes to issues you were not aware of.

3. Trust your instincts, which were ingeniously created to protect you from harm. No matter how tempting the business deal,or how hot the guy or girl, don't ignore your inner voice when it tells you that danger is lurking somewhere. Listening to your gut can make the difference between life and death.

4. Feel with your heart, but use your head too. Learn to balance emotion with reason. It will save you a whole lot of drama which belongs in the script of some cheesy Soap Opera. You don't wanna end up in jail, or dead, or just plain humiliated.

Instead of letting your feelings run riot and yank you around like a dog on leash, take control of the situation. YOU need to be in the Driver's seat, with your feelings in tow - not the other way around.

Finally: Live, laugh,love and let your heart follow YOU!!!

Picture courtesy of allposters.com

Princess in Blue Jeans

Behold a warrior is born, a pioneer,leader and role-model
Practical, powerful, pro-active
Resplendent in resilience, impeccable in intuition
Outstanding in optimism, excellent in elegance
She is a princess in blue jeans

With courage she steps forth
Boldly, passionately, beautifully
A seductively disarming smile on her lips
Hypnotically swinging curvaceous hips
She is strong,sassy,sincere

A master craftsman, she wears a chain of dreams around her neck
Dreams she has nursed and nourished with her nurturing hands
The bloody, battered dreams of a bereaved friend
The vivid, vibrant dreams of a vivacious child

The wild, wanton dreams of a wandering teen
Her own dreams she wears on her arm
Blazing with the fury of hell fire
Commanding awe from all near and far

Clothed in courage, armed with creativity
Radiating compassion, Exuding charisma
She bravely spreads her wings
A force of nature destined for greatness

Strength and sensitivity intertwined, inspiration personified
"Inventive" is her middle name, "Integrity" her trademark
She is God's very own masterpiece
A wonder to behold, a treasure of beauty untold
Discreet, dynamic, determined
She is a princess in blue jeans

Photo courtesy of fineartamerica.com

The Time is NOW! by Elnathan Gomo

In every day, there are 1,440 minutes. That means we have 1,440 daily opportunities to make a positive impact. Unfortunately, far too many people are allowing those opportunities to slip away without ever noticing them. Why? Because they either burn out, reach a plateau or find themselves stuck in a rut.

Before they know it, minutes have turned into hours, hours into days, days into months, and months into years of lost chances. I call it "The Curse of the Comfort Zone." It sounds like the title of a horror movie, but it's a real-life epidemic that's keeping many people from rising to greatness.

Fortunately, there are solutions that will help you crown every day with that "first day" freshness, enthusiasm and determination.Just for a moment, think back on some of the finest "first days" you've had in life; your first day on any job, at a new school, in a budding relationship.

You could feel that adrenaline rush as you surveyed new opportunities and savored every magical moment. Your passion was to be the best and brightest and you made every effort to remember key details. You looked for opportunities to shine and be innovative.

Unfortunately, as time passed, you may have lost some of your jump-start enthusiasm. Boredom replaced energy; clutter replaced fresh ideas and humdrum routines replaced creativity. You went from having pep in your step to not wanting to get out of bed.

How do you rekindle and keep that "first day" focus and enthusiasm? Consider these solutions:

Remember, Every Day Is a Gift to You: The best gifts are those we not only cherish but put to use. Each day is a gift filled with opportunities to rise above fear, self-doubt and mediocrity to fulfill our purpose. Make each day count by setting specific goals to succeed, then putting forth every effort to exceed your own expectations.

Use the Power You Already Have: We were all born with a certain degree of power. The key to success is discovering this innate power and using it daily to deal with whatever challenges come our way. Don't wait for others to open doors for you.

People in the most-dire circumstances have found innovative ways to open doors to freedom, education and business success by creating their own force fields. Make a conscious effort to find your power source, use it to fuel your passion, and release the greatness within you.

Stay Alert: When you ignore new opportunities, you open the door to boredom, resulting in complacency and lack of growth. Open your eyes and see yourself as a go-getter with the power to turn "no" into a "yes." Be determined to blaze trails that will take you where no one has gone before.

Determination Finds Many Ways to Succeed: Many people become discouraged when they encounter difficulty in reaching their goals. However, most highly successful people didn't reach their goals without obstacles. Their golden achievements came only after having doors closed in their faces, dreams derailed by mistakes and setbacks, and naysayers constantly telling them they weren't good enough.

However, the difference between those who have won and those who have thrown up their hands in defeat is often in the level of persistence. In tough times, the winners have drawn on that incredible resolve every human being possesses and stood firm against the odds. If you encounter a roadblock, think of a dozen ways to get around it and take action. Remember, there's more than one road to success.

Improve Yourself Constantly: As the global marketplace changes, we must stay abreast of what's going on, and constantly improve our knowledge and skills to meet demands. Each day, make a commitment to be better, more knowledgeable, and more in touch than you were yesterday. Periodically enroll in classes or access self-help tool-kits that will help you to improve yourself.

Actions for Today and Tomorrow: Going forward, here are three steps to take in the next 48 hours that will help you treat each day like your first day in business: At the end of each day, keep a journal of your accomplishments for that day and the things you need to improve.

Pat yourself on the back for your good points and make immediate plans to improve any weaknesses you note. This will help you to stay focused on your goals and what you need to do to reach them.

As you begin each workday, see yourself as a true champion. Visualize yourself speaking positively and confidently, walking or sitting with good posture, remembering names and details, and receiving praise and rewards for your efforts.

Keep a highly visible plaque, picture or inspiring quote in your workplace that reminds you of your purpose and why your work is important. It should be a visual so powerful that it will inspire you each time you see it. This reminder will help you to maintain that fresh "first day" focus as you press toward your goals.

Break Free!

When you make the decision to walk away from a negative and destructive habit, situation or relationship, it's never as easy as eating pie. In the biblical book of Exodus, Moses confronted Pharaoh 9 whole times about releasing the Israelites from slavery.

One would think Pharaoh would give in after the third or fourth appeal. I mean, who wouldn't give in, after being tortured with outbreaks of frogs, gnats, flies and boils, not to mention the horror of all the country's water sources turning into blood?
But the legendary king only laughed in Moses' face and downright refused.
Though the Israelites won the ultimate victory, my point is this: Pharaoh fought to the end to hold them captive.

So don't expect your abusive husband to smile and wave as you pack your bags to leave him. Don't expect your promiscuous ex-girlfriend to sit back and watch you get married and live happily ever after with someone else. Don't expect your coke-snorting, heroine-injecting homies to throw you a party when you reveal that you can't hang out with them anymore.

Don't expect your drug dealer to pat you on the back when you decide to get clean.Don't expect the greasy, calory-loaded double-cheese burger and french fries to suddenly lose their appeal because you've decided to eat healthy and lose a few pounds.

Get ready for the biggest fight of your life! Suddenly,that aggressive husband who often beat you black and blue, will knock on your door,bearing a gigantic bouquet of flowers, teddy bears and your favorite box of chocolate. He'll drop to his knees and soulfully recite Shakespeare's sonnets from memory. Your cheating ex will unexpectedly pop out of the woodwork and beg you to give her another chance,even though you are happy with someone else.

Your drug-abusing homies will most likely take you on a reminiscent stroll down Memory Lane and remind you how you grew up together and how they've always had your back. There will be hellish nights when you writhe in pain and feel like your insides have been ripped apart with a kitchen knife, nights when you'll give anything for one more score of drugs.

There'll be days when you're willing to trade your all for a thick slice of double-fudge chocolate cake and ice-cream, days when eating healthy just doesn't seem to be worth the hassle.

That's the time to get your fight on! Roll up your sleeves, look temptation in the face and declare, "I'm not coming back - not this time, not ever!" Yes, the devil will hiss, "You'll never make it! You're weak!" But you need to stand your ground, refuse to budge and claim your freedom.

Don't let fear of failure, self-doubt or criticism by others hold you back! This is your time, your season, your moment to break free! Go for it! The best is yet to come!

I'm a Survivor!

I'm a proud owner of a beautiful orange marmalade cat that goes by the name Ginger - a playful, majestic golden feline with dark brown stripes and a pink nose. About a week ago Ginger went into the garden for his usual stroll but never returned. We looked everywhere, without success. As the days rolled by, we got more and more anxious. After exactly 1 week of praying and searching, I got a phone call from our house keeper. "Come home now. Ginger's back but he's badly injured - he can't even walk!"

I had gone shopping and immediately dropped everything and headed straight home. On arrival, I was greeted by the horrific sight of a clearly wounded Ginger, painfully dragging his hind legs as he attempted to hobble towards me. My mind told me he'd probably been attacked by our neighbors' dogs. Frantic, I called my sister, who was at work, and we rushed Ginger to the Vet. After a thorough examination, the Vet announced, much to our relief and surprise, "Your cat is a little shaken up and bruised but fine. Nothing's broken. However, how well he recovers will depend on his attitude. If he believes he's badly wounded, or even crippled, there's a chance he might limp permanently. But, if everything goes accordingly, he should be good as new in no time!"

 Now, there's a valuable lesson for all of us in this personal anecdote. Like my cat Ginger,we may find ourselves crawling home,a battered, bleeding mess, bearing a broken heart, tear-stained face and shattered dreams, having been viciously beaten and had the living daylights kicked out of us by a cruel, hateful world. The loss of a job, a loved one, our physical health, or even rejection by others can leave us badly traumatized and disorientated.

 But, instead of curling up into a ball and giving in to defeat, we can decide to pick ourselves up, dry our tears and stagger towards our dreams, stumbling and falling, but moving forward all the same. Instead of pining over our losses and wallowing in self-pity and regret, we can smile and proudly declare, "I'm a survivor!" Before you throw in the towel, label yourself a failure, or write that suicide note, remember you're a lot stronger than you think. Pat yourself on the back for making it through the greatest losses, biggest humiliation and most painful experiences of your life. In Mariah Carey's words, " There's a hero if you look inside your heart." So, keep hoping, keep dreaming, keep living. The best in life is waiting!

What's blocking my destiny?

Whenever trouble strikes, superstitious individuals don't hesitate to pinpoint bewitchment or bad luck as the probable cause. However, the truth of the matter often lies elsewhere. If you've been working towards your dream but just don't seem to be getting anywhere, it might be time to re-evaluate your strategy.

There are 3 main things that can hinder progress in one's life. I'll call them "destiny blockers" and these are : Procrastination, Poor planning and Time-wasters.

1. Procrastination is defined by the Oxford Dictionary as"the action of delaying or postponing something." It may be due to fear of a challenge or simply sheer laziness.

2. Poor planning may manifest itself in the form of being directionless and disorganized. A person who suffers from poor planning will constantly have their hands full, with numerous projects which are often haphazard and going nowhere fast. They may get started on a chicken-rearing project, only to drop it 3 months down the line for a Catering business. When the going gets tough, they may shut down the Catering business and pursue a career in Fashion Design instead.Such a person has no actual strategy and will do whatever seems to be convenient or the in-thing at the time. They excel at starting various things but never actually complete any of the tasks they set out to do.

3. Time-wasters are parasitic people or activities which promise to deliver extraordinary benefits while sucking the life out of you. They occupy your time and keep you from those things that could actually get you closer to your dreams. In romantic circles, they take the form of involved / married men and women who promise to leave their partners for you, when they actually have zero intention of doing so. They may feel like your soul-mate and swear to give you a life beyond your wildest dreams, but as the popular saying goes, "All that glitters is not gold."After siphoning unbelievable amounts of cash from your pockets and consuming your precious time and energy, they vanish into thin air, leaving you out in the cold.

 How do you protect yourself from these vicious "destiny blockers"?

1. Set SMART goals: SMART stands for Specific, Measurable,Achievable, Realistic, Time-bound.

• Specific: goals must be clear, for example: "I will join the gym in January" as opposed to "I'm gonna work on losing weight in January."
• Measurable: Goals must be such that it is possible to track / measure your progress, for example "I will have 3 singing lessons a week " as opposed to " I will have singing lessons in January."
• Achievable: Goals must be doable and within your capabilities. An example is "I'll jog 20 minutes 3 times a week" as opposed to " I'll sprint like Hussein Bolt for 2 hours every morning."
•  Realistic: Goals must not be wild, or else you'll get frustrated even before you begin. Don't expect to rake in millions within weeks of starting your business venture. Take stock of the time and resources that are available to you, as well as challenges that you may encounter, and set goals accordingly.
• Time-bound: Each goal must have a time-frame or deadline. This helps eliminate procrastination and ensure that you are bale to meet your objectives on time.

2. Check out every opportunity, offer and proposal before accepting it. If it's a company or individual, check out their references and track-record. Don't sign any contract without taking time to read the fine print. Make sure you don't fall for a scam. As far as romance is concerned, stay away from married / involved men or women.

3. Don't put things off for the future that you can actually do today. Stop making excuses and pursue your dream, one day at a time. Take a leap of faith and make your move.Go for that audition, apply for your dream job, record that demo CD, write that Business Proposal and look for sponsors. Even if things don't work out the first time, keep trying. Don't wait for opportunities to come knocking on your front door - make your own. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.

 Finally, remember: winners never quit, and quitters never win. Keep the faith, hold on to your dream and give it your best shot. Destiny awaits you!

Beautiful disaster

There are times when life deals us a heavy blows, when our world is turned upside down and every quest for answers ends in even greater misery. I'm not trying to be an online superstar. I'm just an ordinary girl who wants to share her experiences in the hopes that it will encourage someone who feels like they are at the end of their rope. This is my story.

In the year 2003, my paternal Grandma, a loving, compassionate woman with a killer sense of humor and outstanding dress sense, succumbed to Diabetes and passed on. She was only in her sixties. A retired primary school teacher, mother, wife, sister and grandmother, she was adored by everyone that knew her and took pride in loving others to the best of her ability.

Blessed with 12 grand-children, ranging from the ages of 1 to 18 years, her house was always packed with all of us kids, playing, running, screaming and being a terrible nuisance. Never did she yell at us when we broke her favorite china cups or scribbled on the walls or squeezed out all the toothpaste just for the fun of it. A broad smile was a permanent feature on her face, and her laughter, a song that played on and on through out the day.

Just 24 hours before she passed, she had spent the entire night nursing my uncle, who had a terrible case of food poisoning. He recovered. At that time, none of us could have guessed that just a day later, this Wonder Woman would be no more.

When we heard the news at 3 in the morning, our lives just about fell apart.I burst into violent sobs while my sister wept quietly. My usually cheerful and composed Dad looked like he'd just been hit by a train. Over the next 3 days, we cried  and shared anecdotes about Grandma's life and legacy with tens of equally traumatized friends and relatives.

And for the very first time, I sang before an audience of hundreds at her funeral. Before her passing, I had been an extremely shy girl who would rather have eaten sand than stood in front of a crowd. But her death gave me the strength and courage to do what I'd always dreaded and avoided. Her legacy gave me a sense of purpose. I remembered the times she would listen to me sing and applaud me, even when her health was at its worst. That motivated me to step out of my comfort-zone and share my gift of song with the world.

And so I sang, " Amazing grace, how sweet the sound...", tears streaming down my face, on that rainy October afternoon, which also happened to be my birthday.

Looking back, my Grandma's passing was the beginning of a wonderful new Chapter in my life. Since then, I have sang at countless events, written numerous magazine articles and even done some Motivational speaking....and I'm getting better everyday!

It may feel like your life is one big, irreparable mess, but behind every cloud is a silver lining. Hold on, keep the faith and go for your dreams. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and press on. You are stronger than you can ever imagine. Use your pain to make a difference in the world. The best in life is waiting especially for you!