Become a Pro at Managing Your Social Life!

If there's one thing that's gotten me into a huge mess time and time again, it's been the failure to discern which people to trust, and to what extent. Truth is I'm a bad judge of character. No, let me rephrase that - I'm a horrible judge of character.

Unlike most people, I don't struggle to trust others - I simply trust EVERYONE - young, old, male or female, self-confessed thieves, fraudsters and all. That's the problem. In the midst of my frustration, I recently stumbled upon a Biblical example that we can all use as a blue print for effectively managing our relationships. I'll call it the Law of Social Circles, or as one of my friends put it, 'Friend Management'.

Jesus of Nazareth, the world renowned healer, teacher, miracle-worker and Legend, divided all his relationships into 4 categories. First, he had the crowd - this included the masses that followed him everywhere, thronged all his meetings, witnessed the miraculous feeding of the 5000 with five loaves and two fishes and many other wondrous signs. This colourful group was made up of men and women, boys and girls of all ages, sizes and backgrounds.

One important fact about the crowd is that though they were large in number, their commitment to Jesus was conditional and very limited. In fact, they were only fascinated by the hype and drama that seemed to follow Jesus wherever he went.

They were not interested in what he ate, where he slept or what he wore. They had a consumer-mentality. "Jesus, just blow us away with another science-defying miracle, turn water into wine, raise the dead and all that... When you're done, we'll go away and find someone else to follow."

You may be wondering what in the world Jesus' social life has to do with yours. Well, we also have crowds in our lives - this is the general public. While having the crowd on your side may provide a huge boost for your ego, realize that its attraction to you is often superficial and performance-based.

The masses adore you madly when you excel in business, win awards or rake in big bucks. But, the moment you are faced with a complex problem, they vanish into thin air and leave you out to dry.

At the height of his Ministry, the masses crowned Jesus "Man of the Year", "Healer of the Decade" and "Greatest Teacher of the Century". They gave him the "Most Astounding Miracle of the Millenium" Award, the "Turning Water Into Wine" trophy, and of course, the "Walking on Water" prize among others. But later on, the very same group of people turned around and demanded his death by crucifixion. In a nut-shell, never bank on the public's loyalty and support too much.

The second group Jesus had in his life was the seventy-two. "After this the Lord appointed seventy-two others and sent them two by two ahead of him to every town and place where he was about to go." Luke 10 v 1

Unlike the general public, the 72 consisted of hand-picked men and women that Jesus trusted to help him fulfil his mandate by going ahead of him, preaching the Gospel and getting the community ready for his arrival. Likewise, from time to time God strategically sends people into our lives to assist, advise, challenge and encourage us in our pursuit of our dreams.

Their role is simple - to help us advance and meet our goals, nothing more, nothing less. They may help us through a bereavement or make us smile on a really bad day. They may give us a much-needed recommendation for a job we have applied for, or help us organize an important event.

However fond of them we become, we must always keep in mind that people in this group are not here to stay - they are simply passing through our lives, preparing us for greater things that lie ahead. When their job is done, we must be willing to bid them 'Farewell' with no hard feelings.

We can hang out with them every now and then - go to the movies, have lunch together and call each other on occasion...But, we need to maintain our boundaries - live our lives and let them live theirs. Not every acquaintance needs to become your 'Bestie'.

Be friendly, but don't be too easily accessible to everyone, all the time. You don't need to attend every function you're invited to or date every guy / girl that crawls your way. It's your right to say 'No' to some Dinner and Party invitations. Guard your personal space. Don't give every Jack, Jill, Tom and Harry free rein to barge in and out of your life as they please. YOU are important. Don't cheapen yourself!

Cut the martyr act - you can't be everyone's hero every single time! Practice saying "No." There's nothing wrong with taking a rain-check on certain appointments so that you can focus on priceless moments in your life, for example attending your son's football match, watching a friend walk down the aisle or enjoying a picnic with the family.

And if you're thinking," I can't help being busy - I'm famous!", think again! There's a big difference between being 'famous' and being a 'social puppet'. Famous people are admired for their achievements. Social puppets, on the other hand, spend all their time doing absolutely nothing, with everyone, everywhere, usually at the expense of their own dreams and goals.

Set healthy standards for yourself and stick to them. Your personal space shouldn't be a playground for other people! No one will take you seriously if you don't take yourself seriously first! Enough said... moving on!

The next group of people in Jesus' life was the twelve."Jesus called his twelve disciples to him and gave them authority to drive out impure spirits and to heal every disease and sickness." Matthew 10 v 1

These were the famous Disciples, who later became Apostles. They were Jesus' friends and brothers, his 'Home-boys', the men who related with him on a personal level and were heavily involved in his ministry.

They were with him in the boat when he stilled the wind and waves with just a word. They witnessed the resurrection of Lazarus from the dead. They travelled with him from town to town, village to village, city to city.

In the context of our own lives, the twelve represent our friends and family. They love us deeply and are there for us most of the time. While it's evident that Jesus trusted the 12 a lot more than he did the 72,(and therefore gave them more responsibilities), he didn't open up to them completely. Remember, the traitor Judas Iscariot was in that group too.

Similarly, we may adore all our friends and family, but that doesn't mean we should share our heart's deepest secrets with every single one of them. Recklessly divulging the intimate details of your hopes and dreams to the wrong friend or relative can have tragic consequences.

In Genesis 37, Joseph, the son of Jacob was sold into slavery by his jealous brothers after sharing his dreams about becoming a powerful ruler one day. And Jesus was betrayed by one of his disciples.

I'm not saying you should become a snob or start treating others like murder suspects. But, be careful when dealing with sensitive matters. The privilege of knowing all your plans and dreams should be strictly reserved for the select few who have shown themselves to be mature, trustworthy and and honest. This brings us to the three.

"After six days Jesus took with him Peter, James and John the brother of James, and led them up a high mountain by themselves. There he was transfigured before them." Matthew 17 v 1 - 2

These three guys represent your 'BFFs', your right-hand men or women, your confidants, those special individuals who know you like the back of their hands. And they don't have to be three in number - they can be two, or five, or one ... but the principle is: the number needs to be small!

These are the guys or girls who can storm into your house and head straight to your fridge when they visit. They know where you keep your TV remote and don't need to be told to 'make themselves at home' because they are like a part of the family.

Realize that these privileges are reserved for your VVIPs - not everyone that shows up on your doorstep. Love yourself, cherish your BFFs, and make the boundaries crystal clear to everybody else!

By effectively managing your relationships, you'll have more peace, more time for important things, not to mention a less complicated life, and be respected for it. Remember, greatness awaits you!

If you've enjoyed reading this article, please share it with others! After all, sharing is caring!

Let's Celebrate Our...Differences!

For years my sister and I fought about EVERYTHING, all the time. While she is an order-obsessed neat freak who loves simplicity, I am a free-spirited extrovert who adores all things extravagant. I am spontaneous, creative and adventurous. She is a super-organized planner who only feels alive when she is calculating something.

I can’t even begin to count the number of times we've almost throttled each other because of our personal differences. I am a feeler, she is a thinker. There are times she’s called me a cry-baby while I’ve accused her of being an insensitive robot.

 I love all things shiny and sparkly. She prefers things that don’t attract any unnecessary attention. Actually, let me rephrase that – she prefers things that don’t attract ANY attention AT ALL! Her motto is “Less is more.” Mine is “Go big or go home.” While I love socializing and come alive on stage, my sister has panic attacks at the mere thought of addressing a crowd.

Because we could never understand each other's personalities, I ultimately concluded that she was an uptight puritan who had no sense of fun whatsoever, while she believed that I was an out-of-control nut-case who loves attention.

About 2 years ago I bought a pair of diamond-studded stiletto heels. The naked truth is that I fell head over heels in love with all the bling on them. Tragically, I discovered I couldn’t walk well in them because they were a little too high for me (I'll admit I’m a bit of a klutz). So I gave them to my sister.

My heart practically dropped to the floor days later when I discovered that she had removed all the diamond embellishments from the heels. It took all my self-control not to grab her by the neck and scream, “What on earth have you done???” Seeing the bamboozled expression on my face, she calmly announced, “I like them better this way.” And that was that.

Then of course there were all the camps we attended together. While my sister spent hours meticulously packing all her stuff in order of colour, shape and size, I hung out with my friends, went shopping, danced to music – I basically did anything and everything except for packing. At the last minute, I randomly stuffed all my things into my bag and we left for camp.

On arrival, I found that I had forgotten my toothbrush, towel, bath- soap, pyjamas… and freaked out. After letting me stew for a while, my sister revealed that she had remembered to pack all those things for me. And so, her meticulous planning saved me from what could have been a disastrous camping experience.

Over the years we have learned to celebrate our differences and use our strengths to form an amazing team. We are both heavily involved in the Youth Ministry at our Church. While I’m responsible for the creative, public-relations side of things, she’s in charge of all the logistics, finances and Admin. And we both couldn’t be happier.

So, in light of all this, I have a question for everyone out there: isn't it time we all buried our hatchets and worked together for the good of our world? So what if he prefers pizza to burgers, basketball to football or movies to reality shows? What's so terrible about her liking tulips instead of roses, lip-stick instead of lip-gloss or R n' B instead of Hip Hop?

There's a reason we are all so different - it's called "variety." And like the popular saying goes, "Variety is the spice of life." At the end of the day, we're all human beings who long to be loved, accepted and celebrated. It's time to forget the past and embrace a better, brighter future - a future where we live in harmony...a future where we use our skills to help others, not sabotage them...a future where love is a lifestyle, not a four-letter word we use to manipulate others...

It's time to live, laugh and learn TOGETHER! The best in life is waiting!