How much is too much sacrifice in a relationship?

It's a fact - all relationships thrive on compromise and a certain level of sacrifice by both parties. But there comes a point where you need to back up and say, "No way! That's just out of the question." After all, there's a fine line between being a hopeless romantic and being plain foolish.

I watched an intriguing episode of the TV reality show, 'Happily Never After' one evening last week. That particular episode told the story of a young, handsome man from a conservative religious family who had fallen in love with a free spirited, bubbly singer.

For the purpose of this post, we'll call him John, and give his Sweetheart the name Emma. Now, as their love blossomed, John quickly realized that Emma was nothing like him and his family. In fact, she was far from the kind of girl his parents expected him to marry.

Her clothes were rather flashy and made her stand out like a sore thumb, which irked John's family. As if this was not enough, her long hair had been twisted into dreadlocks while a large, brightly colored tattoo covered most of her upper back and shoulders. The mere sight of her gave John's conservative parents many nightmares.

All the same, they invited her to church, hoping earnestly that the experience would inspire some kind of radical transformation in her. But to their horror, after the sermon, she approached the preacher and revealed that she didn't agree with certain aspects of his teaching.

The preacher, along with John's parents was furious, and John was ordered to stop dating her, or risk being excommunicated from the church and disowned by his parents. Being so deeply in love, John simply couldn't bear the thought of living a single day without Emma, so he chose to walk away from the church and his family, forever.

From now on, it would just be him and her, a modern day version of Bonnie and Clyde. However, as the days wore on, the once-glorious love began to lose its luster. John became increasingly angry and would often have violent tantrums. After several months of putting up with his aggressive tendencies, Emma decided to end the relationship.

When she broke the news to him, with tears in her eyes, John lost it. There was no way he could let her walk away, after everything he'd given up just to be with her - his family, church and even his friends. And so, in a fit of rage, he stabbed her 39 times and killed her.

After watching that gruesome episode, I could hardly sleep all night.  Then it struck me - the more a person gives up or sacrifices in a relationship, the more they expect in return. It's not being selfish, it's simple economics.

Naturally, someone who has invested millions in a business expects huge returns, compared to someone who has only invested $100. Similarly, when you give up a lot in order to be with someone, your levels of expectation increase drastically. And so do your fears, worries and anxieties.

So, where do we draw the line? How much is too much sacrifice in a relationship?

1. If you're the only one in the relationship giving up certain dreams, interests, friends etc, for the sake of the relationship, take a step back.

2. If you're putting your whole life on stand-by for the sake of a relationship, watch your step. I've seen a lot of love-struck people turning down amazing opportunities to work or study abroad, walking away from a promotion etc, in the hopes of settling down with their boyfriend or girlfriend.

Unfortunately, girlfriends or boyfriends may not have the same idea in mind as you do. They may not want to settle down the way you do, when you do.  So, it's best not to give up your career, studies or dreams unless he / she slips a ring on your finger.

Pursue your dreams, see the world, go for that promotion and live your life to the full. If he or she is right for you, he or she will be right there all the way to the end. You don't want to give up too much for a relationship only to realize in the end that it wasn't worth it.

3. If your life revolves completely around your partner and his / her interests, that's a red flag. Even in the most amazing and dreamy relationship, you need to maintain your identity. Don't become so preoccupied with making someone else happy that you lose who you are.

If you're going to make sacrifices for the sake of a relationship, make sure they're worth it... and that the other person would do the same for you if the tables were turned.

I look forward to hearing your views on this topic. Please feel free to comment and share! Sharing is caring!

Til next time

Nobsy

What makes relationships work?

What makes relationships work? And what makes them fall apart like a house of cards on a windy day? I've been thinking a lot about this over the past few days.

After loads of introspection and talking to trusted friends for hours on end, I've come to the realization that the success and failure of relationships often lies in the little things, the things we usually take for granted.

1. Personal concerns and needs must never be expressed as accusations

Many of us make the mistake of saying, "I'm upset because you always...."  The moment we turn the focus away from the actual issue and onto the other person, we're off to a bad start. They immediately put their guard up and get ready to defend themselves. Ultimately, real issues are ignored while accusations are tossed back and forth.

Personal concerns and needs are best expressed as, "I think it would be good for us to ..." This keeps the other person from feeling like they are under attack and increases the likelihood of them hearing you out.

2. Happy relationships are about compromise - both ways!
I've heard people say things like, "I'm not going to change. If you don't like it, well, tough luck!" As a result, the relationship either falls apart or one partner chooses to submit completely to the will of the other, thus losing their voice and their freedom in the relationship.

Compromise is essential in a happy relationship. This means that both parties are willing to meet half-way and find solutions that work for both of them - not just one of them. If one partner is giving in all the time, that's called 'manipulation.'

3. Happy relationships are made of 2 great forgivers
No one is perfect, no matter how amazing they may be, and true love is about the willingness to forgive each other. 

Don't get me wrong; Forgiveness doesn't excuse their behavior. It just keeps their behavior from poisoning your heart and making you resentful. And sometimes, forgiveness inspires people to change a lot more than all the lectures and sermons put together.

In love, real forgiveness means forgiving even when your partner has not apologized. As Robert Brault says, "Life becomes easier when you learn to accept the apology you never got."

These are some of the things I've learned about love and relationships recently. Please feel free to share your opinions, experiences and comments.

 'Til next time!

Nobsy

You ARE beautiful - dark skin, freckles, cellulite and all!

In a world and at a time when lighter skin is considered better, and skinny, run-way model bodies are regarded ideal, many women and girls around the world are resorting to drastic measures to acquire the so-called perfect body and skin tone.

I've watched with dismay, many pretty teenage girls, sabotaging their natural beauty through the use of illicit skin whitening creams. Having to be treated for rashes and skin sores that develop as a result of harsh, carcinogenic skin bleaching creams. Having to live with horrendously scarred faces simply because they wanted to look a few shades lighter.

I've seen gorgeous, curvy women addicted to strange pills that promise magical, instant weight-loss and a Barbie doll figure before you can say "Slim down." Beautiful women with voluptuous figures being driven to suicide because they just couldn't lose that last 10 pounds of weight. Wonderful human beings with so much to offer the world refusing to leave their homes for fear of being ridiculed, stared at,called names and publicly humiliated because of their body size.

But, let's stop for a minute and imagine a world without any variety or diversity, a world with only one color, one shape, one texture, one size... a world where everything and everyone looks the same. I'm pretty sure it would be well beyond atrocious.

Similarly, we can't all have the same skin tone, hair texture or body shape. You're beautiful exactly the way you are, one of a kind, authentic and magnificent.  It's only natural to want to look your best - after all, how we present ourselves has a huge bearing on the opportunities that are presented to us at work, school, in relationships and society in general.

There really is no magic formula for instant beauty - at least one that doesn't have a tonne of side-effects. The best way to look and feel great is to make healthy choices on a daily basis. Eat well, drink enough water, get a good amount of sleep every night to help with your metabolism. 

Before you pop any pills into your mouth or apply some 'miracle-cream' on your skin, do your research. Make sure you're not allergic to any of the ingredients and that no banned substances are contained in the product. If you're not sure, get some advice from your doctor. 

Here is a list of potentially harmful substances that you should be on the look out for. These have been banned in many European countries but are still in use in several other countries around the world.

1. Selenium sulfide might prevent ugly dandruff flakes, but it could potentially give you cancer.

2. Hydroquinone bleaches out dark spots, but it’s another potential carcinogen.

3. P-Phenylenediamine might help change your hair color, but can also make you swell up like crazy and in extreme cases, kill you.

4. Salicylic acid is known to treat pimples, but could potentially lead to salicylate poisoning.

5.  Formaldehyde is an effective preservative and can help nail polish stay, but it’s a carcinogen that can lead to breathing problems.

6. Quaternium-15 is another preservative that gives your makeup a longer shelf-life, but it releases formaldehyde, which can can cause cancer

7 Titanium dioxide might block out UV rays, but it could also be a carcinogen.

8. Triclosan kills bacteria and keeps gingivitis away, but it could disrupt your hormones and weaken your heart.

9.  Butylparaben is another preservative, and it’s accused of making men sterile.

10.  Lead acetate might banish gray hair, but it could put you at risk for lead poisoning.

 Love your skin and body and they will love you back. 

 In closing, remember:  Taking joy in living is a woman's best cosmetic. (Rosalind Russell)

Self - Esteem Test

Our self-esteem or self-image plays a tremendous role in the way we relate with others, allow ourselves to be treated and take on new challenges. Take the test below to find out where you stand in relation to your self-esteem.

 Key

Strongly agree : 4 points    Agree: 3 points                                                      Disagree: 2 points      Strongly disagree: 1 point

Quiz

1. If there's an argument, you always expect the other person to apologize first.

Strongly agree  [      ]   Agree  [      ]      Disagree  [      ]     Strongly disagree [      ]

2. If it were up to you, your partner would never have any friends of the opposite sex.

Strongly agree  [      ]    Agree  [      ]     Disagree  [      ]     Strongly disagree [      ]

 3.What you consider most before you buy anything is how other people will react.

Strongly agree  [      ]    Agree  [      ]      Disagree  [      ]     Strongly disagree [      ]

 4. You wear a brand new outfit but strangely don't receive any compliments. You are devastated and consider returning it and getting something else.

Strongly agree  [      ]     Agree  [      ]      Disagree  [      ]     Strongly disagree [      ]

5. A friend or colleague criticizes something you've said or done. You are offended for weeks.

 Strongly agree  [      ]    Agree  [      ]      Disagree  [      ]     Strongly disagree [      ]

6.Your philosophy concerning fights and arguments is, "I need to get them before they get me."

 Strongly agree  [      ]     Agree  [      ]      Disagree  [      ]     Strongly disagree [      ]

7. If your partner gives a compliment to someone else, you are ready for war.

 Strongly agree  [      ]     Agree  [      ]      Disagree  [      ]     Strongly disagree [      ]

 8.You don't believe in coming second in anything for any reason. You must always come first, regardless of the cost or who gets hurt in the process.

Strongly agree  [      ]     Agree  [      ]      Disagree  [      ]      Strongly disagree [      ]

 9.You never try anything new unless you're absolutely sure you'll win.

Strongly agree  [      ]     Agree  [      ]      Disagree  [      ]      Strongly disagree [      ]

 10.You participate in a game of soccer and are defeated by the other team. Your attitude is, "This game is not over until we win."

Strongly agree  [      ]    Agree  [      ]        Disagree  [      ]     Strongly disagree [      ]

 11. When someone offers you a compliment, the first thought that crosses your mind is, "He/ she must be up to something. I wonder what it is."

Strongly agree  [      ]    Agree  [      ]       Disagree  [      ]       Strongly disagree [      ]

 

12.You always say 'Yes' to every request, demand and invitation, no matter how inconvenient it is for you.

Strongly agree  [      ]    Agree  [      ]      Disagree  [      ]       Strongly disagree [      ]

Score Sheet

Add up your points for the quiz.

12 - 19 points

You really don't seem to care at all about what other people think of you. You make your own rules and dance to your own tune, even if no one else agrees. But beware, you are at risk of becoming self-centered, arrogant and inconsiderate towards others. Make an  effort to invest in your relationships and to show others in your life that you care about them.

20 -27 points

While you occasionally feel insecure, most of the time you're confident and happy. Work on maintaining a healthy self-esteem and avoid extremes. Celebrate achievements, accept responsibility for your mistakes and show your appreciation for other people. Live, laugh, learn and love freely.

28 - 35 points

Although you have moments when you are care-free and confident, you tend  to gravitate towards feelings of inadequacy and inferiority. Realize that life is not a contest.  You are amazing, unique and irreplaceable.  Take every challenge and criticism as an opportunity to learn and  excel in the future and work on simply enjoying your life. Life's too short and too precious to spend feeling sorry for yourself. Make it count!

36 - 48 points

Your life seems to revolve around making other people happy and being accepted by them.  As a result, you're often insecure, anxious and intimidated by the success of others. You need to stop being so hard on yourself and realize that you're just as amazing as the next person.  Let go of past disappointments and start over on a new, clean slate. The best in life awaits you!

In closing, always remember:

What Michelle Obama can teach us about love

This outstanding First Lady is celebrated around the world for being one of the most iconic and inspirational women of all time. She has been praised for her love for humanity, applauded for her humility and envied for her extraordinary sense of style. But there is also a lot we can learn from her about love and commitment.

 Lots of young women nowadays make the mistake of setting their expectations too high when it comes to finding Mr Right. They want a man who has the perfect house, perfect car, perfect career, complete with overseas vacations and private jets.

That automatically eliminates most wonderful eligible bachelors out there. Ultimately, these luxury-seeking young women fall for older and often married men who promise them the world on a silver platter. They would much rather be the side-dish of a powerful, prestigious man than the beloved life-partner and companion of a man who's still working towards his dreams.

They crave instant success and detest the hard work, sacrifice and commitment that comes with supporting their man as he pursues his destiny.

Michelle Obama, however, committed herself to supporting and loving Barack Obama long before it even seemed humanly possible for him to become the first black President of the United States. She stood by him relentlessly and was his pillar of strength as he rose from being a civil rights lawyer and professor teaching constitutional law to the Illinois State Senate in 1996.

She believed in him as he ascended the political ranks and was elected to the U.S. Senate in 2004. And she was right there beside him as he was sworn in as president of the United States on January 20th, 2009.

During their marriage, she put up with his snoring, the wet towels he frequently left on the bathroom floor and his many political trips, during which she was often lonely. She loved him through thick and thin, hell and high water.

"I would not be standing here tonight" - the newly-elected President told the crowd that included Oprah Winfrey and Reverend Jesse Jackson, both in tears - "without the unyielding support of my best friend for the past 16 years, the rock of our family, the love of my life, the nation's new First Lady, Michelle Obama" at his Inauguration ceremony. 

If there's anything we can learn from this amazing woman, it's this: Don't just fall for someone because they've 'made it'. Stand by them, support them, encourage them and love them until they become everything they were born to be.

True love is about believing in someone's potential even when no one else does. True love is never lazy. It's always willing to put in the time, energy and effort required to help someone fulfill their dreams.

It's about time young women stopped taking short-cuts and snatching other women's husbands, fiances and boyfriends simply because they seem to be the 'finished product.' 

If you want an extraordinary man, take a leaf from the First Lady - love your man through thick and thin, believe in his dreams, pray for him constantly  and realize that the road to success is long and bumpy. Don't expect to share in the glory if you can't share in the pain.

Like the popular saying goes, ' Behind every successful man is a woman' - a woman who listens as he shares his hopes and aspirations and offers a shoulder to cry on when things don't quite work out... a woman who makes sure he gets to work on time and cheers him on when the whole world seems to be against him... a woman who takes care of him when he's sick, who prepares his meals and reminds him to take his multi-vitamins every morning...

She's more than just a cook, house-keeper, baby-sitter and personal assistant - she's his life-partner, soul-mate and biggest cheer-leader.

Real women know that a lot of blood, sweat and tears go into building that extravagant home, getting that brilliant career and achieving any kind of success in life. They know, because they've been there the whole time, helping their man become the king he was born to be.

So, before you jump into that married man's Porsche, remember that there's a woman like Michelle Obama in his life, who has made him the man he is today.

Baby girl, go and  get your OWN man!

It just wasn't meant to be...

When seemingly glorious relationships suddenly come to a screeching halt, many of us are quick to think, "It's because I wasn't good enough." or "There's something wrong with me."

Well, I've got some good news for you. You couldn't be more wrong! If someone doesn't love you and isn't destined to be a part of your life, they won't love you no matter what you do or don't do. 

They may have a temporary crush on you or even be infatuated with you for a few months to a few years, but as soon as calamity strikes, they're likely to cut their losses and walk away.

You'll be surprised to find that the same guy who complained that you talk too much finally married a chatterbox who rattles on and on and ON about anything and everything. Or that the girl who said you had too much emotional baggage, eventually settled down with a bankrupt divorcee who has six kids with different women.

Have you ever noticed that most drop-dead gorgeous, wealthy and successful men and women are single? That's because true love really has nothing to do with great looks, money, prestige or power.

How much time and money have you spent buying clothes you hated just to impress some guy or girl who later broke your heart? Or drastically changing your hairstyle in the hopes of catching the eye of a certain person who really couldn't care less? Or eating close to nothing for months on end so you could slim down for someone who later turned out to be a creep?

You may have even given the loser the most precious gift of all - your virginity, and he or she still dropped you like a hot potato. Whatever your story may be, I'm here to tell you right now: there's nothing wrong with you. You are amazing, outstanding and phenomenal just the way you are. Find the One and forget the rest!

The One will love you with all your flaws and imperfections.  And when the going gets tough, they'll be willing to hang in there and work things out. If someone wants you to look a certain way, dress a certain way and speak a certain way before they can love you, they're not the One. Let them go!

Believe me, when the One finally comes along, you'll know it. They'll respect you and bring out the best in you. They'll treat you like the most amazing person on the planet, even with all your cellulite, stretch marks, wrinkles and acne break-outs. They'll genuinely laugh at your jokes and get your dry sense of humor. They'll even admire your weird hairstyles and wacky personal style.

So, stop blaming yourself and making yourself miserable over all the relationships that just didn't work out. It wasn't entirely your fault - they were just never meant to be.

Shake off the inferiority complex, smile and get ready for the best love of your life! An out-of-this-world love story awaits you...and it will end with a happily-ever-after!

In closing, here's to glorious, joy-filled relationships and happy endings!

5 types of women that men simply can't stand

When relationships fall apart, most women are quick to point a finger at the men and to say things like, "It's not my fault, he had no ambition whatsoever" or "He was just a momma's boy." But if we actually stop and take a good look at ourselves, we may realize that we're the ones at fault sometimes.

Well, I've found that there are 5 types of women that have an uncanny ability to drive men up the wall and out of their lives. Are you one of them?

1.  The bragging, self-centered woman
This is the type of woman who brags endlessly about her achievements and belittles everyone around her, including her man. She rattles on and on about her new car, her promotion at work and her latest awards but rolls her eyes when others talk about their own lives and personal interests.

She doesn't value her man's opinion because she thinks she has everything all figured out. In fact, she believes she's the man in the relationship. During arguments, she won't hesitate to hiss, "I'm the one making all the money here, so you should just shut up and do as I say."

Ladies, don't get me wrong - it's good to be ambitious, successful and to make money, but that should never be an excuse for you to act like a spoiled, arrogant brat. You can be the boss at work, a prestigious Business guru or the top student at school, but you need to realize that relationships are all about caring, compassion and compromise. Never, ever wave your wealth in your man's face or use your achievements to make him feel small. Show him respect and treat him like a man.

2. The loud-mouthed, nagging woman
This is the screeching, complaining woman who finds fault with everything and everyone. She's aggressive, ruthless and has verbal wars with just about everyone she meets. This woman bosses her man around and tells him what to do, where to go, what to eat and how to eat it.

She's always ready for a confrontation. Her motto is "Speak first, think later." Hurling insults and throwing around a bunch of baseless accusations is her favorite hobby. Her man dreads receiving text messages or phone calls from her because of her tendency to quarrel  and criticize.

My darling, if this describes you, it's time to change! No man in his right mind wants to be with a rude, insensitive maniac who constantly bites his head off. Make an effort to listen more and speak less. If you're angry, take time to cool off before you open your mouth to say anything. Acknowledge your man's achievements and show your appreciation for all the wonderful things he does. Take it from me, it will work wonders for your relationship!

3. The unprincipled, unscrupulous diva
Now, this one is like a character in a late night movie. She flirts and exchanges numbers with  every Jack, Tom and Harry, stays out all night and lies about her whereabouts. She'll gladly sleep with any man who buys her dinner and drives a flashy car. She has no self-respect, no standards and is absolutely shameless.

A lot of women are under the impression that men want someone who is spontaneous, adventurous and somewhat wild. But the truth is: men want someone who is spontaneous, adventurous and wild - with them and nobody else.

They want someone who is dignified, has tonnes of self-respect and is trustworthy. They want someone they can trust to be faithful no matter what. If you're presenting yourself as being slutty and easy, no good man will want to build a future with you. And just because a man beds you doesn't mean he loves you. Don't lie to yourself.

4. The woman without any family values
This is the kind of woman who hates her siblings, curses at her father and exchanges blows with her mother. A woman who simply cannot live in peace and harmony with other people.

She breaks all the house rules and has no concern for anyone but herself. She can easily prepare lavish meals for herself and live in the lap of luxury while her family starves right before her very eyes.

Baby girl, there is nothing cute about turning your back on your family. We all know the saying, "Charity begins at home." Real men want a good woman who'll love them and their families... someone who'll be kind and caring, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health.  And they are able to tell whether you are the right kind of woman based on the way you treat your own family.

5. The lazy, directionless woman
This is the type of woman who spends the entire day in her pyjamas, watching TV and painting her nails. She passes up opportunities to further her studies and refuses to show up for job interviews.  She's not sick or incapacitated in any way, but simply detests the idea of hard work.

She lets the dishes pile up in the sink for days on end and isn't willing to cook, clean the house or do the laundry because she might miss an episode of her favorite soap opera. She has no desire to contribute to society in any way and has no dreams or ambitions of her own.

Ladies, if this is you, you need to wake up and smell the coffee. There's nothing attractive about being lazy. Don't let your intelligence and creativity go to waste. Find something to do - go to school, bake, start a book-club, volunteer in a community project or get a job. It will develop you mentally and emotionally, give you something to look forward to and make you a whole lot more interesting. And if you're lucky, you might be able to make a bit of money while you're at it.

If you have been one of these 5 types, it's never too late to turn over a new leaf. You can start over, today, right now. The best in life awaits you!

Find and keep true love!

 I know a LOT of people that find true love but it just seems to mysteriously slip through their fingers for no apparent reason. People who at one moment are head over heels in love, but before anyone can say "Confetti" it's all over. Guys and girls whose theme song is James Blunt's "Goodbye my lover..."

Maybe you've been there yourself, or are in that position right now. After tonnes of soul-searching and research, I found these pointers, which can help cement a relationship so that it survives the storms of life.

1. Don't air your dirty relationship laundry in public
I'll get straight to the point on this one. Don't broadcast your relationship problems to anyone and everyone who cares to listen. A lot of relationships fall apart because too much information is given to all the wrong people. Not everyone who offers a shoulder to cry on or an ear to listen has your relationship's best interests at heart. If you're going through a rough patch in your love life and need to let off some steam, talk to a Counselor or trusted friend. Don't expose your issues to the whole world.

2. Don't criticize your partner publicly
You may not agree with everything your Sweetheart thinks, says or does, but don't expose their weaknesses and flaws to other people. Criticizing your partner in the presence of all and sundry only gives your haters the ammunition they need to completely annihilate your relationship. So, always present a united front publicly and iron out your issues behind closed doors.

3. Watch your tone!
If you constantly treat your man like a creep, make endless demands and question his every move, he'll eventually find someone who treats him like a king - someone who always smiles, cheers him on and tells him that he's the most wonderful creature under the sun. And guys, if you're ever telling your girl how fat she is, how terrible she looks in that outfit and are fond of incessantly talking about everything that's wrong with her, she'll find a man who appreciates all her 'curves and all her edges, all her perfect imperfections.' So, cut the nagging, complaining and criticism. It's good to be honest about what you don't like, but don't make a habit of focusing on the negative. If you have nothing nice to say, sometimes it's just better to keep your mouth shut.

4. No secrets!
We all have haters out there who'd love nothing better than to expose our dark and twisted past to our new man or lady, and then sit back and watch us squirm. So, beat them to the punch by telling your partner everything about your life before they hear it from somebody else. If you were married before, have a child or were in prison, talk about it. Total honesty will build trust between the 2 of you and make it easier for your partner to have your back when the town gossips start rumour-mongering.

5. Beware of inappropriate friendships
Watch out for associations that resemble romantic liasons and divert your focus from your actual dating relationship. These tend to keep you busy while sucking the life, excitement and intimacy from your relationship with your partner. So, set clear boundaries for the people around you and let them know that your partner comes first in everything - not 2nd, 3rd, 4th or last! Ladies, if a handsome co-worker invites you to a party at his place, tell him that you'd like to bring your man. And guys, when that cute secretary asks you to help her move into her new apartment, let her know that you're either bringing your Sweetheart or not showing up at all. Don't entertain any behavior or friendship that could potentially jeopardize your relationship.

6. Pray!
I know some don't subscribe to this, but I'll say it anyway. Pray! It'll help you find the right person for you, heal your soul after a traumatic break-up and reveal those things that you need to work on so that you have a loving, happy and secure relationship.

I hope these pointers help as you build your happily-ever-after. Please let me know what you think and feel free to share your own pointers and relationship experiences on this page.

Love and blessings!

Life lessons from my driving instructor

So, after months of continuously putting it off, I finally decided to get my drivers' license. I'll admit; I was terrified... terrified of making a mistake, terrified of failing, terrified of causing an accident, the list goes on and on to the moon and back.

But I decided to toss my fears out the window and do it anyway. The phrase that comes to mind when I think about my experience is 'roller coaster ride.' And here are a few life lessons I got from my wise driving instructor.

1. The first step to success is to simply "show up"
You can pray, plan and strategize 'til you're blue in the face, but all the planning and praying in the world will not make you successful unless and until you SHOW UP. Show up for that exam you've been dreading so much. Show up for that intimidating job interview. Show up for your first day of school.

It's wonderful that you've been practising, rehearsing and getting yourself ready all this time - well done! But there comes a time when you must get up, dress up and, you guessed it ....SHOW UP! David would have never killed Goliath if he had decided to stay home or hide behind the bushes like the rest of the Israelite army.

Similarly, you won't get that promotion unless you drag yourself out of bed, take a shower and go to work - even if you'd rather watch TV all day. You won't get into that sports team unless you go for try-outs. Sure, it's scary and unfamiliar, but you can't run from challenges forever. At some point, you need to go out there and face your fears head on.

2. Just because it's right doesn't mean it's automatically gonna be easy
Many of us go through life expecting things to be smooth sailing just because they are right. But the cold, hard truth is: you're bound to face a whole lot more opposition doing the right thing than you'd face doing the wrong one.

Take one of the USA'S greatest Presidents, Abraham Lincoln. In 1832, Lincoln lost his job, failed in business in 1833 and had a nervous break down in 1836.7 years later, he was defeated in the nomination for Congress and lost renomination the following year.

In 1849 he was rejected for the post of land officer and was defeated for US Senate in 1854. He was defeated for the nomination for Vice President in 1856 and was defeated yet again for the post of US Senate in 1858. He finally won the US Presidency in 1860 after a myriad of flops and failures.

Anything worthwhile will never come easy. When the world knocks you down, pick yourself up, dust yourself off and keep going.

3. Don't expect to know everything all at once
One of my greatest flaws was trying to do too much too soon, expecting myself to go from pathetic to perfect in the blink of an eye. Consequently, I'd get frustrated and just about throw in the towel every time I made a mistake. And my driving instructor would calmly say, "It's better to learn slowly but effectively, than to rush and learn nothing at all."

A lot of us have that same weakness. We set unrealistic goals for ourselves and drive ourselves way too hard ...so hard that we soon fall apart. It's important to remember that life is a journey, not a competition. Pace yourself, give it your best shot and enjoy the ride. Life is a lot like a car - if you move too fast, too soon, you'll crash and hurt yourself, and possibly, others too.

4. Don't take correction personally
So you showed up for that first day of work, algebra lesson or audition. You'd barely been in the room for 5 minutes when you were told that you filed the paperwork wrong, your math calculations were inaccurate or your performance wasn't up to scratch.

I'm sure we've all had a few of those days. Days when we just seem to get everything wrong. Days when we're told, "You can do so much better", "You're slacking" or "You really need to pull up your socks."

Before you storm off and quit, remember that correction is an essential part of learning. If at first you don't succeed, try again...and again...and again. Even the Pros were beginners at some point. Ask Beyonce, Bill Gates and even President Barrack Obama. You can either let criticism keep you from your dream or use it as a stepping stone to success - your choice!

Above all, don't let fear keep you from your dreams. Aim high, dream big and work hard. The best in life awaits you!

What are you missing?

Ever noticed how everything in a shop window always looks so awesome, so perfect... But after you take it home, you're disappointed to find that it just doesn't live up to your expectations or the glamorous adverts on TV?

You discover that your dream car guzzles fuel and leaves you broke almost all the time... That glitzy outfit makes you look like a scare-crow, and those designer Italian shoes pinch your feet so much you can't help but limp when you walk. I'm sure you're wondering where I'm going with this.

Well, life is a lot like that. Sometimes we spend so much time coveting what's in the shop window that we fail to appreciate what we already have. We obsess over movie stars, our boss or the girl next door so much that we ignore the people closest to us...

Our fantasies blind us to the consistent, never waning efforts of our loved ones. We take for granted the people who look after us when we're sick, those who remember our birthdays every year, those who never forget to say 'Good morning' and 'Good night.'

We shun once-in-a-lifetime opportunities to study or volunteer because what we really want is a magic potion for instant success.

"If only I was a Kardashian, Beyonce or the child of a US President," we think to ourselves.

We wish we could have Jack's job, Sarah's family and Nick's wealth. But we never stop to consider the fact that perhaps, Jack's powerful position leaves him with no time for any kind of social life, that he often has to spend nights alone in the office crunching numbers and writing lengthy reports.

We overlook the fact that Sarah's family life may not be as rosy as it looks from the outside - that perhaps there are many horrendous fights and buckets of tears that are shed behind the four walls of her house.

The thought that rich Nick may be drowning in a sea of loneliness despite his great wealth doesn't even cross our minds. We conveniently forget that all that glitters is not gold. We want what is out of our reach and completely disregard the beauty that surrounds us everyday.

So, this is a reminder that: Before you get taken in by what's in the shop window, look around you and appreciate what God has given you. Be thankful for your house - someone out there lives on the cold, dusty streets.

Be thankful for your family - someone wishes they had someone to come home to at the end of the day. Be thankful for your life - someone is writhing in pain on their death bed.

Make the most of your days as a student, secretary or volunteer. There are millions of men and women, boys and girls who spend their entire existence dodging bullets and would practically give ANYTHING for an opportunity to sit in an algebra class or office meeting.

Cherish your loved ones. Sure, they make mistakes - but who doesn't? When you open your eyes and heart to all the amazing things in your life, you'll realize just how blessed you are.

In closing, remember: If the grass looks greener on the other side, the water bill is probably higher too.


Live, Love, Learn! The best in life is waiting!