I am not my hair!

When I logged on to Facebook this morning, I was greeted by a post entitled 'Kill Weave' that went something like this,"Seriously ladies, generally people don’t say it out loud...but this weave thing is a little bit weird....it’s like a hat that doesn’t come off.

I feel like you are hiding your beautiful faces under weave....what are you so afraid of? It’s like you are hiding from your own magnificent beauty. I say magnificent because.... African women are HOT!Jah didn’t give us hair that falls in our face because Jah wanted the world to see our beauty. That’s why Jah gave us prominent features, so that they could be admired."

Let me reveal that the controversial post was written by a Rastafarian woman, whose religion is against all things considered artificial. As a lover of all things pretty, elegant and glamorous, I, on the other hand, couldn't disagree more.(That's me in the picture up there)

The writer began by stating,"To check the race of citizens, white employers would stick a pencil in your hair. The kind of hair you had determined your place in society. If the pencil fell off, you were safe and got treated better than the other slaves....if the pencil got stuck (as it normally would in black hair) you were doomed...You were something dirty, uncivilised and savage.

As a result African people hated this hair of theirs that denied them access to jobs, wealth and opportunities. Our hair became a liability. African people began to detest their own hair and what they look like because of where it ended them up on the social ladder.....at the bottom."

I, as an African woman however, am proud to announce that; Yes, I wear weaves and straighten my hair. But not because of some backward so-called slave-mentality. The naked truth is that I simply detest having to spend hours washing ,drying and styling my hair every morning. As a busy lady who is always on the go, I have found weaves to be not only convenient, but economical and time-saving.

The fact that they give my hair a chance to grow and recuperate from harsh chemical and heat treatments is a huge bonus. This has absolutely nothing to do with being ashamed of my race or trying to be "white."

Secondly, white women have been known to wear weaves and hair extensions too - clearly this is not a "black-person-trying-to-be-white" thing. It's simply a "women-exercising-their-God-given-right-to-try-out-different-looks" thing.

If hair extensions and relaxers fill your mind with graphic images of slavery, wars and genocide, maybe you're not as liberated as you think you are. Freedom means black women being able to go blonde without being subjected to stigma and discrimination. (Our sister Beyonce is a sterling example). It also means white women having the liberty to twist their hair into dreadlocks without prejudice.

If we're going to sing the "Let's go back to our roots" tune, then why not wear animal skins like our ancestors? And while we're at it, perhaps we should give up driving cars, using cell-phones and wearing perfume. If donning a head of straight, blonde or wavy hair makes you feel confused about your identity, my darling, you need help - fast!

Thirdly, a woman's hair is an outward expression of her personality, her mood and even,her social standing. While Afrocentric women will proudly rock natural Afros and dreadlocks as a celebration of their ethnicity, conservative women may prefer simple, straight styles which portray elegance and quiet sophistication.

Curly hair often signifies a sense of fun, adventure and playfulness (like me!), while women who are seeking to make a bold statement may dye their hair some eye-catching color (Rihanna's red crop is a case in point), or simply shave their tresses off.

We may not be able to control the economy, politics or the weather, but we certainly have a right as women to decide how we want to wear our hair. Long, short,straight, curly, blonde, black, brown, red or purple...this is simply our way of celebrating our individuality and uniqueness.

Like the popular saying goes, "One man's food is another man's poison." Clearly, one hairstyle does not fit all. At the end of the day, your hair style is not about being black, or white, or red, or brown, or yellow ... it's about BEING YOU! Lisa, Rochelle, Shondra, Naomi, Tembi, Jennifer, Erin, Kiki or Nyasha...

So ladies, go ahead and rock the hairstyle that makes you feel "you-est"! Celebrate YOU! Beautiful, extraordinary YOU!

Transformed - From Obese to Fabulous!

Believe it or not, this is a picture of me in my teens. As a child I was very energetic and quite on the skinny side, but around the age of 16, started ballooning up uncontrollably. That marked the beginning of a nightmare that would persist for 5 dreadful years.

By the time I turned 21, I was horrendously obese. I can still vividly remember the awkward glares and shocked gasps I got from total strangers, the insults hurled at me as I walked down the street trying my best to be invisible, wishing that the pavement could just open up and swallow me whole. I was mocked, called names and told that I was fat and disgusting.

I remember the endless lectures I got from skinny people who had absolutely no idea on what I was going through about how “easy it is to lose weight and get into shape.” Yeah right!

I recall feeling inferior to my peers and not being able to wear the cute, trendy outfits which were the in-thing at the time because I could just never get a size big enough for me to fit into. I remember withdrawing from the rest of the world and spending most of my time at home alone, missing a lot of birthday parties, picnics and social gatherings for fear of being mocked and ridiculed out there.

I remember the tears I cried into my pillow at night, praying and wishing that I could just lose a few pounds and enjoy life like other girls my age. I tried EVERYTHING - medical treatments, tests, special diets, with no success whatsoever.

So how did I lose all the weight?

1. Think positively

Researchers have established a close connection between positive thinking and good health. Contrary to popular belief, being gorgeous and confident starts from the inside out. When you embrace your uniqueness, make peace with your flaws and begin to celebrate everything that makes you "you", it will eventually translate into outward beauty.

It's sad how most of us girls can write mile long lists of all the wonderful things we envy and admire in others, but struggle to come up with just 5 things we love about ourselves.

If you're battling with feelings of inferiority and worthlessness, sit down and make a list of every little thing that's sweet, cute and adorable about you. If you can't think of anything, ask others to tell you what they like about you and write those attributes down. You'll be amazed at what you'll find. When you've completed your list, stick it up somewhere you can see it every day. It will motivate you to work towards your goals and not give up.

2. Deal with unresolved hurt and anger

I'm sure we've all heard the popular adage "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned." It's no secret that many of us ladies pride ourselves in being able to throw an earth-shaking fit and hold life-long grudges if we're offended. However, harbouring anger, hurt and resentment actually poisons your life and damages your body with time.

Health problems such as Hypertension,Asthma, Obesity, Diabetes as well as accelerated aging have been associated with poor stress and anger management patterns. (http://www.webmd.com/balance/stress-management/features/10-fixable-stress-related-health-problems)

I did lots of soul-searching and found that deep down I had felt unworthy, neglected and angry for years. Ultimately, I had taken it out on my body by eating recklessly and never working out, which of course led to the weight gain.

So, I let go of grudges I'd nursed for years, forgave Exes who had broken my heart and stopped punishing myself for old mistakes. Instead of emotional-eating, I dealt with my feelings head-on. For the first time in years, I began to love myself, and that completely turned my life around. When you are happy and at peace, you'll have a healthy glow about you and your body will follow suit.

3. Change your attitude about eating well and working out.

Most of us associate healthy eating and physical exercise with torture. But if you're going to succeed at losing weight and getting healthy, this attitude needs to change, BIG TIME. Find a form of exercise that you can enjoy and look forward to, for example walking or dancing. Get a friend to join you and turn it into a fun activity. If you're walking or jogging, take some music with you and enjoy some sensational beats as you move.

Build momentum and increase the intensity of your work-out sessions as your endurance levels increase. Instead of rewarding yourself with food, find alternative ways of celebrating your successes, for example buying a new outfit, jewellery or some new perfume. Your soon-to-be-gorgeous body will thank you for it!

4. Be consistent

Achieving success in anything takes lots of hard work, sacrifice and determination. For most people, looking great is not as easy as snapping their fingers and voila, they're hotter than a summer day in the desert. The naked truth is that getting in shape is hard. You may not see any obvious results for a while but keep pressing on!

It's important to exercise self-discipline on a daily basis. Don't work out and eat healthy for a few days / weeks, only to revert to your bad habits later on.

Continue making healthy choices even after you begin to see results. Maintaining the body of your dreams will require you to eat well, think positively and exercise consistently. It's about lifestyle. The good news is: after a few weeks of making healthy choices,it becomes second nature. Greasy food seems disgusting and working out becomes a normal part of your life.

I'm here today to testify that you can break out of obesity and body-image issues, even if you've been battling with them for years. Don't let anyone tell you that you're a failure, that you'll never make it. With persistence, courage and focus, you can rise above every challenge that life throws at you.

This is what I look like now, and I've never felt better! I attended a glamorous event a couple of weeks back and was mistaken for a model by one of the Organizers - can you imagine that?!

A fresh start is possible! It's time to step up and claim your freedom. This is your moment! Your best life is waiting!

Please feel free to share your thoughts, comments or ask questions. And remember, sharing is caring!

Unstoppable You - a force to reckon with!

For most of my life, I dreamed about becoming a successful Artist in my own right- having my literary works published in some of the world's most prestigious publications, scooping Awards for my musical prowess, hosting motivational talks in schools across the country...

But whenever the opportunity for me to act on my ambitions presented itself, I always seemed to conjure up the perfect excuse, " I'm too young.... I'm female - I don't stand a chance in a world that's practically run by men... I'm an African... The economy's bad right now, maybe next year..." and on and on.

After several tiresome years of applauding other people's successes, I learned the following lessons:

1. Make full use of all the opportunities and resources that are available to you.
You have a dream of making it big in Sports, Music or Business? Try out for your School's Football or Athletics team. Join the Church choir. Take part in community initiatives and use the experience to expand your skill-set.

Remember,this is YOUR dream. It's up to YOU to make things happen. Like my favorite quote goes,"If you don't build your dream, someone else will hire you to build theirs."

2. Do at least one thing each day to get yourself closer to your dream.

Record a Demo CD. Hold a cake sale to raise funds for that big project. Send a few of your best literary works to a number of magazines and newspapers. Work on perfecting your craft, be it baking, hair-dressing, fashion design or dance.

Always keep in mind that there are three groups of people in life - Those who make things happen, those who watch things happen, and those who ask, "What happened?" Which one are you?

3. Get rid of limiting attitudes and mentalities.
*Forget fear. It's better to do it afraid than not to do it at all. Most of today's legends were petrified at some point but pursued their dreams anyway. No guts,no glory!

*Dispose of the belief that things must always be done in the same way. Think outside the box. Be adventurous and open your mind to new possibilities.

My parents are Pastors at a local Church, and have recently been struggling with a drop in Church attendance by members, despite the red-hot Sermons,personal visits to members' homes and so forth.

Finally, one of the leaders came up with a radical idea. "Instead of simply preaching to the people, let's go out there and reach out to them in a way they can relate to. Let's organize Barbeques for the men, Pampering sessions for the ladies and Sporting events for the youth."

The suggestion was initially met with a variety of negative reactions, ranging from sheer disgust to downright disapproval by some of the more conservative members of our Church committee. "Are you out of your mind? Where's the money for all that going to come from? Besides, Barbeques and Pampering Sessions don't sound very spiritual - are you trying to turn the Church into some sort of Leisure Center?", they bickered.

Anyway, we had our very first Ladies Pampering Session today, where a group of cheery volunteers gave free massages, manicures and warm hugs to ladies of all ages, shapes and sizes.

I caught a glimpse of skeptical Mrs Jones wearing a Cheshire Cat smile as she was treated to a luxurious shoulder massage and had her nails painted with hot pink varnish. She quickly wiped the animated grin off her face the moment she saw me looking.

Well, everyone had an awesome time and the event was a huge success. To top it all off,we managed to achieve our best attendance in years!

Now that the Ladies' Get- Together is done and dusted, I am pouring my energies into a number of personal projects, working towards my dreams, one day at a time.

Tomorrow at Church I'll be singing one of my compositions for the very first time. The nerves are killing me but there's no room for anymore excuses. The best in life is waiting!

Til next time; Live, Laugh, Love, Learn!

Sometimes The Heart Lies

Initially this (Sometimes the heart lies) was the title of a Chart-Topping, Award-winning hit I composed a few weeks back - a hit that would see me step out of a glitzy black Limo at the Grammys and scoop countless Awards for my musical savvy... Followed by interviews on all the top TV and Radio talk shows...

I can see you rolling your eyes. Unfortunately,after 4 verses, a chorus and loads of coffee, I still haven't found an attention-grabbing melody for the song, so I guess my dreams of fame will have to wait...However, the one good thing that did come out of the whole song-writing exercise was that it inspired this post.

"Sometimes the heart lies" is a concept I came up with as I reflected on some of the most catastrophic mistakes of my life, mistakes I made simply because I foolishly applied someone's well-meaning advice to "follow my heart."

While "feeling our way through life" can make us more loving, more sensitive and ultimately more humane, it can also be quite disastrous if pushed to the extremes.

What if we "feel" like committing murder?
What if we "feel" like robbing a bank?
What if we "feel" like snatching someone else's spouse?

Well,Jeremiah declares "The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?" in the Biblical book of Jeremiah 17 v 9(KJV)

Simply put: sometimes the heart will insist that something wrong is right, and that something destructive will be beneficial to you.

Don't get me wrong, the heart is a wonderful thing,expertly designed to help us love, be spontaneous and experience passion. Without it, we would simply go through life without any real feeling or fulfillment.

However, if the heart is left to its own devices,that is when we see people committing violent crimes of passion, holding innocent individuals hostage, breaking up other people's families and abusing children.Those are the effects of a heart that is out of control.

Then we have the mind, which processes information, analyses facts, solves problems and comes up with fresh ideas - a Super computer, if I may say so myself. But, alone,the mind is like a machine - efficient but cold, unfeeling and directionless.

So how do we strike a balance?

1. When making a decision,feelings alone should never be the determining factor. Instead, personal values and principles should be the standard. I remember a time when I was absolutely convinced that a certain guy was "the one" for me. He later turned out to be a serial womanizer who was actually married to some unlucky lady.

2. Consult others - preferably people who are objective and whose opinion you trust. Getting someone else's perspective can open your eyes to issues you were not aware of.

3. Trust your instincts, which were ingeniously created to protect you from harm. No matter how tempting the business deal,or how hot the guy or girl, don't ignore your inner voice when it tells you that danger is lurking somewhere. Listening to your gut can make the difference between life and death.

4. Feel with your heart, but use your head too. Learn to balance emotion with reason. It will save you a whole lot of drama which belongs in the script of some cheesy Soap Opera. You don't wanna end up in jail, or dead, or just plain humiliated.

Instead of letting your feelings run riot and yank you around like a dog on leash, take control of the situation. YOU need to be in the Driver's seat, with your feelings in tow - not the other way around.

Finally: Live, laugh,love and let your heart follow YOU!!!

Picture courtesy of allposters.com

Princess in Blue Jeans

Behold a warrior is born, a pioneer,leader and role-model
Practical, powerful, pro-active
Resplendent in resilience, impeccable in intuition
Outstanding in optimism, excellent in elegance
She is a princess in blue jeans

With courage she steps forth
Boldly, passionately, beautifully
A seductively disarming smile on her lips
Hypnotically swinging curvaceous hips
She is strong,sassy,sincere

A master craftsman, she wears a chain of dreams around her neck
Dreams she has nursed and nourished with her nurturing hands
The bloody, battered dreams of a bereaved friend
The vivid, vibrant dreams of a vivacious child

The wild, wanton dreams of a wandering teen
Her own dreams she wears on her arm
Blazing with the fury of hell fire
Commanding awe from all near and far

Clothed in courage, armed with creativity
Radiating compassion, Exuding charisma
She bravely spreads her wings
A force of nature destined for greatness

Strength and sensitivity intertwined, inspiration personified
"Inventive" is her middle name, "Integrity" her trademark
She is God's very own masterpiece
A wonder to behold, a treasure of beauty untold
Discreet, dynamic, determined
She is a princess in blue jeans

Photo courtesy of fineartamerica.com

The Time is NOW! by Elnathan Gomo

In every day, there are 1,440 minutes. That means we have 1,440 daily opportunities to make a positive impact. Unfortunately, far too many people are allowing those opportunities to slip away without ever noticing them. Why? Because they either burn out, reach a plateau or find themselves stuck in a rut.

Before they know it, minutes have turned into hours, hours into days, days into months, and months into years of lost chances. I call it "The Curse of the Comfort Zone." It sounds like the title of a horror movie, but it's a real-life epidemic that's keeping many people from rising to greatness.

Fortunately, there are solutions that will help you crown every day with that "first day" freshness, enthusiasm and determination.Just for a moment, think back on some of the finest "first days" you've had in life; your first day on any job, at a new school, in a budding relationship.

You could feel that adrenaline rush as you surveyed new opportunities and savored every magical moment. Your passion was to be the best and brightest and you made every effort to remember key details. You looked for opportunities to shine and be innovative.

Unfortunately, as time passed, you may have lost some of your jump-start enthusiasm. Boredom replaced energy; clutter replaced fresh ideas and humdrum routines replaced creativity. You went from having pep in your step to not wanting to get out of bed.

How do you rekindle and keep that "first day" focus and enthusiasm? Consider these solutions:

Remember, Every Day Is a Gift to You: The best gifts are those we not only cherish but put to use. Each day is a gift filled with opportunities to rise above fear, self-doubt and mediocrity to fulfill our purpose. Make each day count by setting specific goals to succeed, then putting forth every effort to exceed your own expectations.

Use the Power You Already Have: We were all born with a certain degree of power. The key to success is discovering this innate power and using it daily to deal with whatever challenges come our way. Don't wait for others to open doors for you.

People in the most-dire circumstances have found innovative ways to open doors to freedom, education and business success by creating their own force fields. Make a conscious effort to find your power source, use it to fuel your passion, and release the greatness within you.

Stay Alert: When you ignore new opportunities, you open the door to boredom, resulting in complacency and lack of growth. Open your eyes and see yourself as a go-getter with the power to turn "no" into a "yes." Be determined to blaze trails that will take you where no one has gone before.

Determination Finds Many Ways to Succeed: Many people become discouraged when they encounter difficulty in reaching their goals. However, most highly successful people didn't reach their goals without obstacles. Their golden achievements came only after having doors closed in their faces, dreams derailed by mistakes and setbacks, and naysayers constantly telling them they weren't good enough.

However, the difference between those who have won and those who have thrown up their hands in defeat is often in the level of persistence. In tough times, the winners have drawn on that incredible resolve every human being possesses and stood firm against the odds. If you encounter a roadblock, think of a dozen ways to get around it and take action. Remember, there's more than one road to success.

Improve Yourself Constantly: As the global marketplace changes, we must stay abreast of what's going on, and constantly improve our knowledge and skills to meet demands. Each day, make a commitment to be better, more knowledgeable, and more in touch than you were yesterday. Periodically enroll in classes or access self-help tool-kits that will help you to improve yourself.

Actions for Today and Tomorrow: Going forward, here are three steps to take in the next 48 hours that will help you treat each day like your first day in business: At the end of each day, keep a journal of your accomplishments for that day and the things you need to improve.

Pat yourself on the back for your good points and make immediate plans to improve any weaknesses you note. This will help you to stay focused on your goals and what you need to do to reach them.

As you begin each workday, see yourself as a true champion. Visualize yourself speaking positively and confidently, walking or sitting with good posture, remembering names and details, and receiving praise and rewards for your efforts.

Keep a highly visible plaque, picture or inspiring quote in your workplace that reminds you of your purpose and why your work is important. It should be a visual so powerful that it will inspire you each time you see it. This reminder will help you to maintain that fresh "first day" focus as you press toward your goals.

Break Free!

When you make the decision to walk away from a negative and destructive habit, situation or relationship, it's never as easy as eating pie. In the biblical book of Exodus, Moses confronted Pharaoh 9 whole times about releasing the Israelites from slavery.

One would think Pharaoh would give in after the third or fourth appeal. I mean, who wouldn't give in, after being tortured with outbreaks of frogs, gnats, flies and boils, not to mention the horror of all the country's water sources turning into blood?
But the legendary king only laughed in Moses' face and downright refused.
Though the Israelites won the ultimate victory, my point is this: Pharaoh fought to the end to hold them captive.

So don't expect your abusive husband to smile and wave as you pack your bags to leave him. Don't expect your promiscuous ex-girlfriend to sit back and watch you get married and live happily ever after with someone else. Don't expect your coke-snorting, heroine-injecting homies to throw you a party when you reveal that you can't hang out with them anymore.

Don't expect your drug dealer to pat you on the back when you decide to get clean.Don't expect the greasy, calory-loaded double-cheese burger and french fries to suddenly lose their appeal because you've decided to eat healthy and lose a few pounds.

Get ready for the biggest fight of your life! Suddenly,that aggressive husband who often beat you black and blue, will knock on your door,bearing a gigantic bouquet of flowers, teddy bears and your favorite box of chocolate. He'll drop to his knees and soulfully recite Shakespeare's sonnets from memory. Your cheating ex will unexpectedly pop out of the woodwork and beg you to give her another chance,even though you are happy with someone else.

Your drug-abusing homies will most likely take you on a reminiscent stroll down Memory Lane and remind you how you grew up together and how they've always had your back. There will be hellish nights when you writhe in pain and feel like your insides have been ripped apart with a kitchen knife, nights when you'll give anything for one more score of drugs.

There'll be days when you're willing to trade your all for a thick slice of double-fudge chocolate cake and ice-cream, days when eating healthy just doesn't seem to be worth the hassle.

That's the time to get your fight on! Roll up your sleeves, look temptation in the face and declare, "I'm not coming back - not this time, not ever!" Yes, the devil will hiss, "You'll never make it! You're weak!" But you need to stand your ground, refuse to budge and claim your freedom.

Don't let fear of failure, self-doubt or criticism by others hold you back! This is your time, your season, your moment to break free! Go for it! The best is yet to come!