Relationship Blunders - Part 1

Comparing our Sweetheart to Mommy or Daddy Dearest....

Many of us do it, often without even realizing it - comparing our Boo to an amazing mom or dad that can do no wrong in our eyes. When there's a misunderstanding of any sort, the thought quickly pops into our minds, "My mom / dad would never do that!" 

In the midst of all the drama, frustration and anger, we forget one major thing: that life is a journey, and that it probably took our beloved oh-so-marvelous parents 20+ years to learn and perfect what they know now. 

 Ladies, if you grew up in a home with an affectionate, generous dad who showered you with diamond jewellery, took you to Paris for your birthday and basically spoiled you rotten, you're likely to hold your man to the same standards. 

But remember: your dad had a 30 year head-start, during which he learned through an intensive process of trial and error, what it takes to make a woman happy. So why should you expect your partner to match your dad's standards after only 1 year of the 2 of you being together?

And guys, your mom might be a professional Chef, gardening guru, interior decorator and Mother Theresa all rolled into one. But PLEASE understand that she most likely acquired those fantastic skills during the numerous years she spent as a girlfriend, wife, mother and daughter-in-law etc. So don't expect your girl to be a spitting replica of your mom any time soon. 

Comparisons are never fair! Making remarks such as, "If my mom was in this situation, she wouldn't do what you're doing," or "Why can't you be more like my dad?" can be extremely demoralizing and hurtful to your partner. It's a lot like expecting a preschooler to grasp a complicated quantum physics theory... or asking a 4 year old to solve an exponential math equation (I'm also not quite sure what an 'exponential math equation' is)... I'm sure you get the point!

Relationships are all about learning, growing and helping each other become the best we can be one day at a time. And, keep in mind that your Honey-Bunny is NOT your mom or dad. He or she is a unique individual with something unique to offer. Open your heart and receive it. 

Love and respect your parents, but don't let your mom or dad's "perfect" image blind you to the tremendous blessing that's right in front of you, in your partner.

Embrace it, cherish it and celebrate it everyday! 

In the next post we'll discuss the next relationship blunder that a lot of people make!

'Til then... live, laugh, love!

Nobsy

Lessons I've learned about love and relationships

Well, after a few decades of being on God's beautiful green earth (I'm not telling how many decades exactly!), I've learned a few important and mind-blowing lessons about love and relationships. Here are some of them. Enjoy!

1. Many of us spend all of our time looking for a replica of ourselves - someone who thinks, acts and speaks like we do... someone who agrees with everything we think, everything we say and everything we do - no matter how ridiculous or insanely foolish it is. And the reason? 

We're absolutely petrified of finding someone who'll challenge us to step out of our comfort zone, someone who'll encourage us to do things differently, someone who'll expect growth from us, and worst of all, someone who'll tell us when we're wrong...

But the truth is: real love isn't about finding a replica of yourself. It's about finding someone who compliments you - someone who helps bring out the wonderful potential that's lying dormant within you, someone who motivates you to learn and grow - and you can't learn and grow doing what you've always done in the way you've always done it.

You need someone with a different perspective from yours - someone who's strong where you're weak, someone who'll help you up when you fall. When you finally find that amazing person who makes you want to do better, think better and be better, you're moving in the right direction.

2. After falling for the wrong person, one of the most popular explanations is, "It's not my fault- You can't choose who you fall in love with. The heart wants what it wants." But what if I told you that you CAN choose who you fall in love with?

When you first meet someone that's really good looking, fun, charming and intelligent - there's that spark, that chemistry you feel... that's not love. That's just 'attraction' and it's normal. But you do have the power to choose whether you feed that attraction and allow it to develop into love.

Before you do that, (allow attraction to develop into love), use your head. Think about it... objectively and clearly. Is this person really good for you? Do they share your values and principles? Are they looking for a committed relationship or a short summer fling? Are they single and available, or taken and trying to cheat on their partner? Would you be willing to introduce them to your parents?

Don't pursue a relationship with someone if your conscience or common sense tells you otherwise. Most of you know what I'm talking about - that nagging feeling that you're making the mistake of your life. If you feel in any way uneasy about dating a certain person, keep your distance - no matter how gorgeous, charming and intelligent they may be. Use your power to choose wisely.

3. Every relationship is different, and every relationship has its challenges. If you're on the hunt for an easy, smooth-sailing, problem-free relationship, you'll be searching for a long, long, long time. There'll be bumps along the way - face them together, with hope and love. Don't run and hide every time a challenge crops up. Hang in there and make it work!

And don't compare your relationship with someone else's - the dynamics of each and every relationship are unique, because the individuals involved are unique. You are NOT your friend - so don't compare your relationship with your friend's relationship. Celebrate the uniqueness of your relationship and enjoy the journey!

What are YOUR personal tips about love and relationships? I'd love to hear them!

'Til next time!

Love, laugh, love!