5 things every woman should have

Millions of women around the world struggle with a poor self-image and a devastatingly low self-esteem. Lots of us secretly wish we had longer legs, a slimmer waistline, a fairer skin-tone, a smaller nose or Nicky Minaj's behind.

While some women literally work their backsides off to attain the size zero Supermodel silhouette, others try every trick in the book to increase the size of their assets and be "bootylicious." For some reason, we are just never satisfied with the way we look.

Well, this post is not about getting a bigger booty, longer legs or a button nose. It's about branding yourself and accentuating your most outstanding features. It's about feeling awesome in your own skin and looking phenomenal everyday, come rain or shine.

Here are a few simple things that can dramatically boost every woman's self esteem and bring that extra spark and pizazz that we all so desperately long for.

1. A signature oufit
You don't need to overstretch your budget in an attempt to buy the most extravagant and expensive clothes. You don't even need to seek out the services of a professional stylist or fashion designer. What you do need is a signature outfit.

For those that may be confused, a signature outfit is that one sophisticated, sassy and stylish outfit that makes you look and feel like a million dollars. It doesn't have to cost an arm and a leg, but it must show off your best features and disguise the aspects you're not so proud of.

Avoid clothes that are too baggy - they are extremely unflattering and will make you look boxy and a lot larger than you really are. Also, stay away from clothes that look like they've been painted on - you don't want people thinking you're trashy. The main objective is to look stunning, elegant and dignified.

Play around with a variety of colors and textures to add some spunk to your outfit. The right jewellery, scarfs and belts will also give you a little more "oomph", provided you match them correctly. Unless you're Sir Elton John, the Christmas tree look is a big "No no."

2. A pair of killer heels
The right pair of shoes will not only add a little extra-flair to a lovely outfit, but it will also make you feel hotter than a day in the desert. Nothing says "Everybody stand back, I'm here and ready for action" like the right pair of shoes.

As a stiletto fanatic, I would normally advocate for stiletto heels, but, when it comes to shoes, I've learned that comfort is key. There's really no point in buying an extravagant pair of designer heels you can't walk in. Nobody likes to see a grown woman staggering along, with a hideous scowl on her face simply because her shoes are 'killing' her.

You are much better off in a lower heeled pair that you can confidently strutt your stuff in. Remember: A huge part of looking hot is being comfortable.

3. Great hospitality
I'm pretty sure many of you thought, "Uh oh!" when you saw that sub-heading. Well, you'll be glad to know you don't need to be Jamie Oliver to be an amazing hostess. Great hospitality is all about making your guests feel welcome and at home when they visit.

It's about being pleasant, sociable and courteous. Like I mentioned earlier, you don't have to be a Master Chef, though being a good cook can come in handy if you're looking to impress(In-laws especially).

If cooking really isn't your forte, don't despair. You can hire a Chef or even, order take-outs. The most important thing is to ensure that everyone has the time of their lives.

4. A trusted confidant

Every woman needs someone reliable and honest they can confide in - someone who won't air all their dirty laundry in public later on. Unless you want to be the joke of the town, refrain from telling all your secrets to anyone who cares to listen.

Your confidant will help you think through various life issues before making a decision or making an absolute fool of yourself. They'll listen to your ranting and raving without judging you and motivate you to be the best you can be.

If you do find someone like this - someone you can trust and depend on through thick and thin, cherish them.

5. Lots of self-love

I can't emphasize enough the importance of women being able to truly love themselves. Self love means acknowledging that you're human and will make mistakes from time to time. It means accepting your flaws and celebrating your strengths.

Self-love is about loving who you are, not just what you have. Embrace your uniqueness and take pride in being "you." Don't go through life trying to be a replica of someone else. You are amazing, outstanding, extraordinary and phenomenal.

When you are able to love yourself, looking good will follow, naturally.

In closing, remember that your best days are ahead of you, not behind you. Keep on dreaming, growing and glowing!

Before you take that ex back!

This is my confession: Not so long ago I found myself nostalgically pining over an ex I vowed never to reconcile with, even if he was the last man on the planet. Now, before you question my sanity, I'd like to state these facts in my defence.

I dated this particular guy for a little over 4 years, and through-out that entire period, he never cheated...not even once. He was the epitome of loyalty and could have been the ambassador of a faithfulness campaign if one was conducted. I always knew where he was, who he was with and what he was doing - in fact, he insisted on taking me everywhere all the time.

So, why did we break up if he was so perfect? Well, he was controlling, obsessive and domineering, with an explosive temper to top it all. There were times when I actually felt scared and dreaded getting him angry. In spite of all this, I found myself missing him a few months ago and decided to confide in my trusted BFF.

Her response was short and simple: "Focus on the reality, not some fantasy in your head."

You see, from a tender age I've always believed that cheating is the worst relationship "sin". I can deal with just about anything else - psychological games, drug addictions, stealing...just not cheating.

And because my ex was so faithful, I overlooked all his faults for years - the violent temper tantrums, the times he yelled at me 'til I was reduced to tears, the irrational demands he made on a daily basis. I couldn't care less if he robbed a bank at gun-point, just as long as he didn't cheat on me.

Now, 2 years later, after being cheated on by a new guy, I couldn't help but think, "How I miss my oh-so-faithful ex... Maybe I should give him another chance. At least I know I can handle his shenanigans."

I imagined us living happily ever after, watching dazzling red sunsets together, taking evening strolls under the stars, joking, laughing and sharing stories over candle-lit dinners... But the reality is: he drinks now more than ever and would probably make my life a living hell if we reconciled.

I'm sure many people (especially women) out there can relate to this. You spend so much time admiring ONE excellent quality in your partner that you ignore many obvious warning signs that point to destructive behavior.

We say stuff like, "I don't mind that he beats me to a pulp - he's a great father to our kids." or "I can't leave him just because he's an abusive drug addict - he can be so sweet sometimes." And of course, our most popular saying of all, "I know he's gonna change. He just needs a little time." Yeah, right!

Like my BFF said, it's important to focus on the facts and not be blinded by wishful thinking. Don't let loneliness or self-pity drive you back into the arms of a dangerous, selfish and destructive partner.

If you're tired of having dinner alone with only your TV and cats for company, hook up with some friends and have some fun - go out to a fancy restaurant, order some pizza and watch movies at home together, organize a barbeque, start or join a book club ... Just don't go back to that nasty ex!

Secondly, focus on what you deserve: someone loving, honest and dependable who'll never raise their hand or voice to hurt you...someone who'll be a great parent to your kids and also be a wonderful partner to you. You deserve nothing but the very best!

Third, realize that we all have moments when we feel weak, vulnerable and exposed. Before you rush back to your ex at top speed, find someone objective to talk to and get some fresh perspective. It might just save you from making one of the biggest mistakes of your life.

In closing, always remember: Your best days are not behind you. They're ahead of you! The best in life is waiting!

What's your relationship personality?

I'm sure at some point in our lives, many of us have found ourselves in a hellish relationship disaster and moaned, "Why me???" While it's easy to point an accusing finger at everyone else, a good look at ourselves is more likely to give us the answers we need.

When it comes to relationship failure, the sad reality is: we may unknowingly possess certain traits which attract the wrong people or make us vulnerable to manipulation and abuse. Until we are able to identify those traits, chances are we'll keep making the same relationship mistakes and getting the same horrendous results.

In this article we'll explore some of these traits or personalities so that we can make better choices in the future. Which one best describes you?

The Sprinter

Is impulsive and famous for whirl-wind romances. This kind of person loves the drama and adrenaline rush that often accompanies a new relationship. He or she will buy extravagant gifts, organize on-the-spur-of-the-moment trips to Paris or Hawaii and shower the object of his / her affection with endless compliments and attention. Sprinters are extremely charming and know exactly what to say and do to sweep a partner off their feet.

However, the sprinter's excitement and passion is short-lived. They hate routine and quickly get bored once the relationship loses its initial "shivers down the spine" feeling. Sprinters also dread commitment and may bail from a relationship once it gets a little too serious, leaving a trail of broken hearts and shattered dreams.

The Marathoner

Is not as dramatic or impulsive as the sprinter. Actually, the marathoner is laid back and prefers to spend his or her time planning for the future. He or she will have detailed plans about where they want to buy a house, raise a family and send their kids to school. They are very practical and are reluctant to spend money on extravagant indulgences.

Marathoners are loving, soulful individuals who blossom in committed, long-term relationships. They may not fly you to Italy for your birthday, but they'll definitely be there for you when you need them most. If you're looking for someone to grow old with... someone to love you in sickness and in health... someone to watch sunsets with when you're wrinkled and grey, this is the right person for you. Sadly, Marathoners are often accused of being boring and may be dumped for someone more dramatic by those who enjoy living on the edge.

The Clinging vine

Like the name suggests, clinging vines tend to cling to their partner for dear life. They have smothering tendencies and prefer to have their Sweetheart to themselves ALL the time. They are controlling and may become moody, jealous and irrational if their partner engages in activities (social, religious or professional) which exclude them.

Clingers believe that their partner's life must revolve around them and vice-versa. They're anti-social and will try everything humanly possible to isolate their partner from the rest of the world - including ordering their partner to quit work, school or church. Clinging vines often suffer from deep insecurity and depression and may become suicidal if the relationship comes to an end.

The Marshmallow

The marshmallow is an overly tolerant, "I'll do whatever you want" type of partner. Their answer for everything is a big, resounding 'Yes', even when they disagree with what's being said. Marshmallows are willing to jump through hoops of fire, do somersaults and make outrageous sacrifices in order to please their partner.

They rarely ever stand up for themselves in case it drives their partner away. They're always willing to lay their own dreams, beliefs and interests aside for those of their Sweetheart. In other words, Marshmallows are door-mats who are not confident enough to stand their ground and speak out. They're easily manipulated and may choose to live unhappily ever after with an abusive partner than to walk away from a miserable relationship.

The Drama-king (or queen)

Thrives on hullabaloo and commotion. This type of partner doesn't feel alive unless there's trouble brewing somewhere. They'll often start fights and squabbles purely for their own entertainment and amusement. The drama king or queen's motto is "I am God's gift to women (or men)"

They secretly long for attention and feel that the only way to get it is by throwing fits and tantrums like a hungry 4 year old in a candy store. Drama kings and queens feel the greatest amount of satisfaction when they can get everyone (especially their partner) to fall to their knees and beg for mercy.

I've identified my Relationship Personality... what's next??

Once you've identified your weakness, the next step is to immediately start working on it. The key word in every relationship is "Balance." Too much of anything can become annoying and unbearable over time. A little drama and spontaneity is great every now and then, but it must be balanced with accountability, maturity and reason.

Bending over backwards to paint a smile on your partner's face can be really cute, but you should also be able to stand up for yourself and express your views in the relationship. Likewise, wanting your Beloved at your side 24-7 may be romantic, but it's important to realize that part of being in a loving relationship is trusting your partner and giving them room to follow their dreams and flourish without you keeping them on a tight leash.

Make an effort to maintain a healthy balance of spontaneity and order, excitement and peace, work and relaxation in your relationship.

Having said all that, here's to glorious, love-filled relationships! Cheers!