What makes relationships work?

What makes relationships work? And what makes them fall apart like a house of cards on a windy day? I've been thinking a lot about this over the past few days.

After loads of introspection and talking to trusted friends for hours on end, I've come to the realization that the success and failure of relationships often lies in the little things, the things we usually take for granted.

1. Personal concerns and needs must never be expressed as accusations

Many of us make the mistake of saying, "I'm upset because you always...."  The moment we turn the focus away from the actual issue and onto the other person, we're off to a bad start. They immediately put their guard up and get ready to defend themselves. Ultimately, real issues are ignored while accusations are tossed back and forth.

Personal concerns and needs are best expressed as, "I think it would be good for us to ..." This keeps the other person from feeling like they are under attack and increases the likelihood of them hearing you out.

2. Happy relationships are about compromise - both ways!
I've heard people say things like, "I'm not going to change. If you don't like it, well, tough luck!" As a result, the relationship either falls apart or one partner chooses to submit completely to the will of the other, thus losing their voice and their freedom in the relationship.

Compromise is essential in a happy relationship. This means that both parties are willing to meet half-way and find solutions that work for both of them - not just one of them. If one partner is giving in all the time, that's called 'manipulation.'

3. Happy relationships are made of 2 great forgivers
No one is perfect, no matter how amazing they may be, and true love is about the willingness to forgive each other. 

Don't get me wrong; Forgiveness doesn't excuse their behavior. It just keeps their behavior from poisoning your heart and making you resentful. And sometimes, forgiveness inspires people to change a lot more than all the lectures and sermons put together.

In love, real forgiveness means forgiving even when your partner has not apologized. As Robert Brault says, "Life becomes easier when you learn to accept the apology you never got."

These are some of the things I've learned about love and relationships recently. Please feel free to share your opinions, experiences and comments.

 'Til next time!

Nobsy