Loving a broken person

I'll be honest - I'm one of those nurturing girls who has a soft-spot for emotionally wounded guys. I talk to them, laugh with them, pray for them, support and encourage them. Nothing makes me happier than seeing a broken guy start to enjoy life and smile again. Not surprisingly, these noble deeds often lead to a romantic relationship. I'm sure a lot of girls can relate.

However, I have learned from experience that "Hurting people hurt people." Dating someone in the hopes of rehabilitating them is a short-cut to disappointment. This may come as a surprise to some, but,you are not God! People who have been victimised and have suffered trauma in the past need time to deal with their hurt and anger without the additional pressure of a romantic relationship. Suppressed anger clouds judgment and tends to manifest itself in the most shocking and destructive ways. Lashing out at others gives hurting people a sense of power and control over their circumstances. This may sound preposterous, but it's true.

Similarly, it is utter foolishness to get romantically involved with the misguided intention of escaping from personal stress. Burdening another individual with the duty of mending your broken life is not only selfish, but unfair. Everyone has problems, challenges and flaws of their own. Expecting them to play a role that is only reserved for God will leave you frustrated and bitter.

While it may be easy to point an accusing finger at our broken counterparts, we also need to take a good look at ourselves.If you realize that you are falling for someone who suffers from chronic depression, anger, addiction or self-esteem issues, take a step back. Leave the task of rehabilitation to professionals who are specially trained to handle such problems - Therapists, Pastors, Counsellors etc. Entrust the person into God's capable hands and let Him heal them in His own way and at His own time. Pray for them and give them the time and space they need to grow and recover from their issues. Don't interfere!

Scientific fact: helping a butterfly out of its cocoon paralyses it and kills its chances of flying. In the same way, smothering someone who needs to figure things out on their own is likely to do more harm than good. Sometimes the best way to love someone is to let them face their fears instead of cushioning them from discomfort. It may seem heartless right now, but it'll be worth it in the end.

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